Now I know not to watch this again. And knowing is half the battle.
I just want to say that if Ray sees this at some point and never gives his two cents, it would have all been for nothing.
I say that because you would expect Ray to review an episode of Jessie, not me. But I figure it was time for a change of pace from talking about Dan Schneider shows and avoiding the Thundermans write-ups for several months, long after people have already forgotten about the existence of the series (I just need to find the last couple episodes and I'm straight). The good news is, this episode has a lot to talk about and unpack. The bad news is, most of the discussion today will be negative so it's almost like unpacking an enormous beehive and hoping you won't get attacked. It's not good for me or anyone else who reads this to try rolling that dice, but I have to roll them anyway.
So at this point, we're all aware of what Jessie is, right? I don't need to bring anybody up to speed? Great. The thing is, even though I remember it, and I remember being a fan of it, I don't remember it being one of my favorite shows. I always thought it was decent, but I was more interested in Good Luck Charlie and A.N.T. Farm, mostly because they were better shows with more entertaining characters. Also, I used to have a big crush on Bridgit Mendler so that might have played a role in it too. Eventually, I became less interested in Jessie, mostly because it went from decent to mediocre after a certain point and it was never something I was that interested in to begin with. It also doesn't help that the show was surrounded by much better competition, and the fact that I was becoming disinterested in both Nickelodeon and Disney Channel as I was getting deep into high school. I remember thinking the series finale was mediocre, and then instead of letting these characters die, they gave them a spin-off at a summer camp. And believe me, if I ever review that show, it will be a sign that I'm no longer getting enough oxygen. At least it's over.
I saw that this episode was on TV the other day so I decided to give it a shot. I remember a lot of people hating it when it first aired because the characterization was off, especially from the kids. I didn't think much of the episode either, but it had been a long time since I had watched it. Maybe things would be different this time?
And they were. They definitely were, because this episode is much worse than I remember it being.
The plot here is that Jessie takes the kids with her to her father's military base in Texas for the weekend. Jessie sees it as an opportunity to make peace with the old man after she ran off to New York to pursue an acting career. While in Texas, she finds out that her father is not only getting married again, but he is marrying his commanding officer, who just so happens to be the mother of Darla Shannon, Jessie's greatest enemy. Meanwhile, Emma finds love when she falls for Darla's brother Caleb, and Bertram has his own plot that's not worth getting into because the episode would pretty much be the same without it.
One of the biggest problems in this episode is the behavior of the kids. They're complete brats for 44 minutes, and they don't let up at all until Jessie gives them a speech about how awful they all are. Then they go back to being brats, and save the day in spite of all the trouble they caused, while also potentially making it worse which I'll get to soon. I can't remember how the kids acted consistently from episode to episode, but their characters here are insufferable beyond compare. All they do is complain about things, destroy whatever they see, and run off at the mouth when someone should have smacked them for having loose tongues. And they do all of these things unsupervised. For 44 minutes, nobody is watching these children, which gives them free rein to act like they have no common sense or ability to restrain themselves. But that's the thing. I feel like they would normally behave like actual human beings, but they don't.
I get what the show is trying to do here. Jessie needs to have her breaking point and dress these kids down like never before, so in order for the story to work, Luke, Zuri, and Ravi have to be irredeemable pieces of shit. But that just makes things worse because of how far they go to accomplish this goal. We're not seeing an actual story here, the kids are just acting out, blatantly defying Jessie's authority multiple times, and making the experience worse for her for no apparent reason. And it's not like they don't know any better. They're told multiple times not to play stupid games, sometimes by Ravi himself, and they continue playing stupid games. So when Jessie gives them their stupid prize by quitting her job, I don't feel bad at all. They brought this on themselves.
I'm not done talking about these stupid kids just yet because the whole review could be about breaking down every terrible thing they do. But the other big problem in this episode is Jessie's father. I have no reason to identify with him or see things from his perspective because he has no likable qualities whatsoever. He still harbors resentment towards Jessie for leaving Texas, which is fair enough, and there's always this underlying feeling that this resentment is what is weighing down all of his conversations with her. But he does everything wrong. He invites Jessie to Texas without telling her the real reason he brought her there. He expects her to get along with Darla for no apparent reason, which is ridiculous because Darla is another piece of shit that has no intention of getting along with Jessie. And then he just announces that he's getting married to Darla's mother. What the hell is happening here?
This episode really wants me to feel sorry for a man that misled his daughter into thinking the Texas trip was so they could reconnect, tried forcing his daughter to get along with a woman she clearly didn't like and didn't like her back, and then just decided to drop this marriage bomb on her. He was going to wait for Jessie and Darla to get along before revealing the marriage, which was all supposed to be in one weekend. And the episode acts like Jessie is in the wrong for having resistance to this whole situation. Again, what the hell is happening here?
Under normal circumstances, Jessie would want nothing to do with her father, and take the kids back to New York before telling them that they can find a new nanny. But neither of those things happen because we're supposed to act like all of these characters are good people. Except for Darla, who we only hate because we're told to. To her credit, she is a terrible person, but she's not the only terrible person in the episode. In the end, Jessie's father says that he's sorry for springing everything up on her, and that's it. That's his only act of contrition in the episode. The kids are also remorseful, but that's only because they got faced with actually having to deal with the consequences of their actions. And it's all forgotten about within minutes. Jessie snaps at the kids for everything they did, quits her job, and minutes later, she's in the B.A.T. with the kids bonding over the snow cone machine inside it. At least they halfway try to bring Jessie closer to her father, but after everything the kids have done, there's no reason why Jessie should be their nanny again. It's just something that happens, and only because the kids were stupid enough to press buttons inside of an ATV they were never supposed to touch in the first place. Why do I hate almost everybody in this episode?
The last thing I want to elaborate on is the length of this episode. It was one hour, but it felt like six hours, because all I wanted was to review this episode as quickly as possible. A regular decent episode could help mask some of the show's flaws, but with 44 minutes, everything gets exposed quickly. The characters are almost all full of smart-aleck quips that don't really work, and none of them are that well-written to care about what happens to them either. It's just exhausting to see a bunch of kids act like spoiled sociopaths for an hour, and a man try to manipulate his only daughter into accepting his decisions because of his resentment over a past transgression. The pacing really doesn't work at all. Half the time, it feels like I'm watching the same scene. I guess I could give them credit for the scene with Jessie and Emma in the bunker, but that would have been great if the episode justified it.
Like I said, Jessie's father deliberately withheld information from his daughter and forced her to accept what was coming to her because he couldn't let the past go, so this was his attempt to manipulate the situation in his favor. And the episode plays it as if Jessie was being unnecessarily cruel to her father, her future stepmother, and her future stepsister for no apparent reason. Wait, I forgot, that's how this story usually works.
You know, Disney sitcoms seem to get a bum rap everywhere I look. A lot of people point them out as being especially bad. I find it weird because Nickelodeon sitcoms really haven't been that much better in the last five years or so, but Disney Channel's live-action shows carry a bad reputation like a terminal illness. Like, a Disney sitcom having poor quality is treated like a stereotype. Episodes like "G.I. Jessie" are proof to me that this stereotype exists for a reason. For 44 minutes, Jessie goes out of its way to give you the worst episode they could come up with. The characterization is awful, the overall writing is poor, the motivations are weak, the jokes are mediocre, the resolution is stapled together with bits of fax paper, and the feeling you get overall from watching this is shame. Shame that they thought this was good enough to air on television.
The interesting thing about "G.I. Jessie" is that it is an awful episode, but it's a different brand of awfulness. It's not the same kind of awfulness like those Nickelodeon one-hour holiday specials. You know those specials are going to be terrible going into them, and you feel like your soul is exiting your body as the minutes go by so when you're done watching, it's like you let your family down because you watched it. When I watched "G.I. Jessie," I didn't feel that way. I thought it was a bad episode, but I was thinking more of a C grade for it. It wasn't until I started writing this review and looking back at everything that I realized how terrible it was. It was the kind of awfulness that sneaks up on you, and when the clarity kicks in, you can't think about the episode the same way ever again.
Episode Grade: F
Episode MVP: Peyton List. If there was any bright spot here, it was Emma because she was the only character I could tolerate, and she was also the one that helped Jessie understand things from her father's point of view. Now I know the whole reason Bunk'd existed in the first place.
EXTRA THOUGHTS
-Seriously, if Ray sees this, I would like him to share some thoughts on it. Especially since he believes Jessie fell off a cliff in the last two seasons. But this was the 27th episode of season two, so.....maybe this was a harbinger of things to come? I usually cite Ravi going through puberty as the time to stop watching.
-"HEY JESSIE!" I forgot the way this theme song used to climb inside your ears and stay there. It was like catchy garbage.
-Initially, Jessie was supposed to go to Texas by herself and Bertram was supposed to watch the kids. Honestly, since this episode is a personal story about Jessie and her father, it would have been way better to do it like this. Instead, Jessie decides to take the whole family with her after the kids destroy the roof and an entire water tower with a rocket. That's literally the first thing they do in this episode. Actually, this entire scene serves as a microcosm for the whole 44 minutes: The kids do something awful, and their response is to act like they didn't do anything wrong, or be proud of what they did, or find a fall guy (usually Ravi).
-Emma and Caleb's story makes no sense. Jessie and Darla bring up this longstanding feud between their families, with decades of history. Under these circumstances, Jessie's father and Darla's mother shouldn't want anything to do with each other romantically. If anything, that should have played a part in Jessie not wanting her father to get remarried. Instead, this "feuding families" plot is pushed on someone that's not a part of either family (Emma), so there's no reason to care about this. And the whole thing is null and void because Jessie's father is marrying Darla's mother so........go to hell for paying attention, I guess?
-Alright, let's go over the kids' activities: They commit property damage four times (destroying the roof/water tower, knocking down a 70-year-old statue, creating a hole in the wall at the rehearsal dinner using the B.A.T., and causing the munitions bunker to self-destruct), attack Darla with experimental weaponry unprovoked, and inadvertently set off the bunker's self-destruct button after firing a missile at it, with Jessie, Emma, and Caleb locked inside. Had they not used the grappling hook to get the door unlocked, they would have been responsible for the deaths of three people, and the bunker ends up destroyed anyway because they forgot to turn off the self-destruct button. So, on top of three people almost being killed, the bunker is destroyed anyway, resulting in what I have to assume is years worth of military equipment blown up. What's Jessie's response to realizing this? Blame Ravi.
-The kicker is that Emma was the one who locked herself, Jessie, and Caleb inside the bunker because she didn't know what else to do. The most tolerable character in this episode and she couldn't even get off scot-free.
-Seriously, I can't get over how terrible the kids are in this episode. Their behavior is disgusting in a way that I haven't seen in a long time from TV characters. And I know they're still children, but again, they knew what they were doing the whole time and didn't care about the consequences until they went way too far. And it's not like they were really sorry for what they did. They just didn't want to lose Jessie. Luke and Zuri even blame Ravi for not keeping them from doing the things they did. At the end of all this, how am I supposed to root for them? They make Jessie's life a living hell and they love it. I don't know how Ray was able to stick around after this episode.
-The only reason I don't hate Jessie's father as much as I should is because the kids were far, far worse. But after everything he did, I really don't think Jessie should have tried to meet her father halfway. It was clear he didn't respect her, while also expecting her to have eyes in the back of her head and watch the kids at every turn. He literally blames Jessie for the kids finding the B.A.T. and committing property damage. You know, even though Jessie had a role in the rehearsal brunch and probably didn't even see them leave. And they were sitting there unsupervised because apparently, nobody else was capable of watching them. And they had easy access to a military vehicle that should have been locked away. And they were told already to stay away from the B.A.T. so they intentionally went against basic instructions.
-Zuri has such a weird line in this episode that I really don't understand. I'm just pointing it out because this was an actual line that Skai Jackson had to read off the script, memorize, and then repeat on camera during filming. So, when Jessie and the kids go to save Emma, they find out that the B.A.T. can fly and they go to the munitions bunker. When Ravi questions if they are in heaven, Zuri sarcastically quips, "Am I playing washboard for the late, great country legend Tammy Wynette? Then no."
-That line was said by Zuri, a girl that shouldn't know anything about country music or who Tammy Wynette is. I didn't even know who Tammy Wynette was until I looked her up. Besides that, it's just a really unnatural response to someone questioning the danger they are currently in, and they give this weird line to someone who wouldn't know anything about Tammy Wynette for the sake of a joke. It's one of those lines that only sitcom characters say because nobody talks like that in real life.
-The weird thing about this episode is that Jessie's father insists that Jessie get along with Darla. But how come nobody says anything to Darla? She antagonizes and talks down to Jessie for the entire episode and nothing happens. It's not like she's putting on a facade, like she's overly sweet to the adults and mean to Jessie behind their backs. She's openly disrespectful and catty towards Jessie regardless of who else is nearby, so why does she never get talked to? Why is Jessie supposed to put up with this? Why is everything in this episode making me want to stop reviewing?
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Stephen Hillenburg: 1961-2018
I have another review on the way but I felt like this was necessary to talk about.
https://variety.com/2018/tv/news/spongebob-squarepants-creator-dead-dies-stephen-hillenburg-1203037362/
It's a shame that this is the second legend in the entertainment industry that we have had to write this kind of article about in the last month. Stephen Hillenburg, well-known for being the creator of SpongeBob SquarePants, succumbed to his ALS and passed away on Monday at the age of 57.
I found out that Hillenburg was diagnosed with ALS several months ago, so I knew he was living on borrowed time. However, it was important to Hillenburg that he continue working on SpongeBob for as long as he physically could. Along with being the creator of the long-running animated series, Hillenburg was the showrunner for the first three seasons, and worked on The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004) as the director, a co-writer and a producer. He also came up with the story for the movie. Hillenburg left SpongeBob after the first film and began to serve as more of an advisor. He returned for the second movie Sponge Out of Water (2015) as the story writer and an executive producer. When the series returned from hiatus that summer, Hillenburg was back as well with more creative input and executive producer status.
SpongeBob SquarePants was one of my favorite shows as a kid, and the first three seasons have aged like fine wine. In its prime, SpongeBob was a masterclass in kids television, as it told stories and featured characters that children gravitated to without alienating older viewers, and its humor was some of the best that any children's show has ever had. If it wasn't for shows like SpongeBob, I don't know who I would be or what I would be doing. Would I even be writing for this blog? Hard to say, but people like Stephen Hillenburg made it possible for me to be here.
At the end of the day, Hillenburg left behind a legacy that will never be forgotten. SpongeBob is now one of the most world's most recognizable and profitable cartoon characters, and lines from the show have made their way into everyday conversation. Hillenburg was bold enough to come up with the idea of a talking sea sponge having adventures underwater and turn it into a global phenomenon. Most people never get that opportunity. So rest in peace to a man that was creative, passionate, and by all accounts, an overall humble and principled individual.
https://variety.com/2018/tv/news/spongebob-squarepants-creator-dead-dies-stephen-hillenburg-1203037362/
It's a shame that this is the second legend in the entertainment industry that we have had to write this kind of article about in the last month. Stephen Hillenburg, well-known for being the creator of SpongeBob SquarePants, succumbed to his ALS and passed away on Monday at the age of 57.
I found out that Hillenburg was diagnosed with ALS several months ago, so I knew he was living on borrowed time. However, it was important to Hillenburg that he continue working on SpongeBob for as long as he physically could. Along with being the creator of the long-running animated series, Hillenburg was the showrunner for the first three seasons, and worked on The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004) as the director, a co-writer and a producer. He also came up with the story for the movie. Hillenburg left SpongeBob after the first film and began to serve as more of an advisor. He returned for the second movie Sponge Out of Water (2015) as the story writer and an executive producer. When the series returned from hiatus that summer, Hillenburg was back as well with more creative input and executive producer status.
SpongeBob SquarePants was one of my favorite shows as a kid, and the first three seasons have aged like fine wine. In its prime, SpongeBob was a masterclass in kids television, as it told stories and featured characters that children gravitated to without alienating older viewers, and its humor was some of the best that any children's show has ever had. If it wasn't for shows like SpongeBob, I don't know who I would be or what I would be doing. Would I even be writing for this blog? Hard to say, but people like Stephen Hillenburg made it possible for me to be here.
At the end of the day, Hillenburg left behind a legacy that will never be forgotten. SpongeBob is now one of the most world's most recognizable and profitable cartoon characters, and lines from the show have made their way into everyday conversation. Hillenburg was bold enough to come up with the idea of a talking sea sponge having adventures underwater and turn it into a global phenomenon. Most people never get that opportunity. So rest in peace to a man that was creative, passionate, and by all accounts, an overall humble and principled individual.
Monday, November 26, 2018
Victorious Reviewed: The Blonde Squad
I was looking through my old reviews when I decided to write this. Just go with it and let it happen.
Victorious is a weird show to talk about. It was weird even by Dan Schneider standards. If I wanted to be mean, I could say that all of the problems that Dan Schneider's shows have in 2018 started with this show. I could say that iCarly was negatively influenced by it. I could say that Dan Schneider working on it and iCarly at the same time led to both shows declining past the point of no return. And I could also say that it only had one good season, which was the first one.
But here's the thing: I'm not just saying all of that. I firmly believe in all of those things.
When Victorious started, I was in the sixth grade. When it ended, I was a freshman in high school. One thing I want to make clear is that I was a very stupid and immature kid back then. Earlier this year, I spent a day cleansing my entire Twitter of terrible, terrible posts because I was disgusted at how overtly corny I used to be. That part of me is still there, but it's a lot more dormant. And it's not something I take pride in anymore. I say all that to let you know that even in my corniest possible state, I was cognizant enough to see the show's decline happen right before my eyes.
I remember enjoying the first season of Victorious and thinking that it was different from iCarly. The show still had Schneider's trademark humor, but the stories were different and at least in the beginning, the characters seemed like they had some depth to them. I always believed that you could make Victorious for adults and the show wouldn't be too different from what it was for kids. In fact, it would be better that way because these characters would actually be explored seriously, and not just be empty joke machines.
Beck lived in an RV away from his parents. Andre's grandmother was mentally insane. Cat was mentally insane with a mentally insane brother, and most likely grew up in a mentally insane family. Robbie walked around with a puppet that only existed to insult him and break him down psychologically, while being bolder and more confident than the person walking around with him. Jade had an uncaring father and a variety of psychological problems. You get the point. Victorious was a show that worked well because along with great jokes, the characters were grounded and relatable. You weren't just laughing at what they said or did. You identified with them as people. Episodes like "Wok Star" and "Rex Dies" were the perfect blend of comedy and drama, and if the producers played their cards right, the show could have potentially surpassed iCarly in quality.
But then something unexplainable happened. Eventually, it became more fun to the writers to just treat these characters like they were pathetic caricatures. I felt this way when these episodes aired and I feel the same way now. I didn't understand it because I was aware of what the show could have been, and instead, it just wasted away whatever potential it had. It became weird for the sake of weird. It devolved into a cartoon. I still have nightmares of scenes like Cat buying a drink and immediately throwing it away because she wasn't thirsty, or Jade driving Tori to a dirt road with the intention of killing her, or the gang being tortured on a game show for no apparent reason other than them being in pain equals great comedy. I wish I could talk about this at length, but I need to discuss the episode now and expand on my overall thoughts later on in a different post.
I said in my "iFind Spencer Friends" review that when iCarly failed, it was more like disappointment than anything else. A bad episode rarely angered me, it just annoyed me. But when Victorious failed, it was like the show was going out of its way to create a terrible episode. And "The Blonde Squad" is no exception. I didn't like this episode in 2012 when it first aired, and six years later, my opinion hasn't changed. In fact, because I have had time to reflect on everything, the episode is worse now than it was in 2012.
The plot here is about a boy named Evan falling for Cat at Nozu because of her blonde wig and blue contacts. She was in costume because of a movie Beck was directing. Cat never told Evan about her real hair color or eye color, finds out that the boy is obsessed with blonde hair and blue eyes, and decides to keep her costume on the next time she sees Evan. Tori convinces her to be herself, Evan tells her that he likes blonde girls, and the episode is over.
Wait. It's not. There's a reason I chose to review this.
See, throughout the entire episode, there's this other plotline of Robbie dealing with his feelings for Cat. He has even written a song about her. However, the episode seems to hate Robbie for having these feelings. When he tells Tori that he wrote a song about a girl, he gets dressed down by Trina for no apparent reason. When Robbie gives a heartfelt, impassioned speech to Cat in an attempt to boost her confidence, she tells Robbie that he doesn't know how guys think. I wish I was kidding, but she literally says this. Tori and Jade are completely confused by the speech, as if they forgot Robbie was a human being. And when Robbie finally performs his song for Cat at the end of the episode, she wonders if she should dye her hair blonde. This is the only reaction she has to the song.
See, I can't get invested in anything this episode does because the episode doesn't want me to. Evan is such a one-note character that this whole story of Cat needing to be true to herself doesn't matter. And it ends up not having any positive results because Evan doesn't change his mind about blondes once Cat shows him what she really looks like. I care more about Robbie's story because he's the only character with something to actually gain or lose here. A normal episode would have Cat realize that Robbie cares about her because of who she is and not what she looks like. But because this is "The Blonde Squad," we have to do the complete opposite of everything a normal sitcom does. I feel like this is supposed to be a subversion of what would usually happen, but just because it is a subversion, doesn't mean it works. It just makes me feel bad because Robbie is getting put through the wringer for absolutely nothing.
There was an episode in season one called "Robarazzi," where Robbie exploits his friends in an attempt to gain popularity for his blog. While the blog becomes a hit, Robbie turns into an asshole in his attempt to become successful, and he ends up getting his comeuppance for his behavior. This is an example of punishing a character who deserved it, a character who went through an actual story, and it was during a time when Robbie wasn't a spineless weirdo. I don't know what "The Blonde Squad" is trying to do at all. It sets up two plotlines and both of them are unsatisfactory. Nobody in this episode comes out of it having learned or achieved anything. The jokes are mostly nonexistent and/or fall flat. It's almost as if the writers didn't know what this episode was supposed to be. And a lot of Victorious episodes after a certain point ended up like this. "Tori Gets Stuck," "Prom Wrecker" to some extent, "Tori Tortures Teacher," "Driving Tori Crazy," "Wanko's Warehouse," "The Hambone King," "Robbie Sells Rex." Even the damn series finale, "Victori-Yes." To be fair, it wasn't supposed to be the last episode, but it does say a lot about where the series was going at the time.
At the end of the day, Victorious was a mildly entertaining show that started off well and fell off a cliff by the time it was over. As the show increased in popularity, it decreased in quality. Looking at it from a different perspective, Victorious could have done some amazing things. Characters like Cat and Jade had interesting backstories that could have been explored, not in a deeply dramatic way, but at least in a way that gave us some insight into who they really were. Episodes like "Stage Fighting" or "Wok Star" said more about Jade's character than anything she did in the next three seasons. Imagine if there was a character study about Cat or Robbie. The little things that make us understand them more and humanize them. Hell, imagine if Trina was ever taken seriously.
But instead, the show was more comfortable with random gags and making fun of the characters' eccentric behavior than examining the behavior. That wouldn't have been so bad if the jokes weren't so awkward and the pacing so slow. Episodes like "The Blonde Squad" became the norm, and every now and again, you might get something like "April Fools Blank" or "Opposite Date," but after the first season, consistency stopped being the strong suit of Victorious. Maybe season one was just a fluke.
Episode Grade: C-
Episode MVP: Matt Bennett, I guess. Like I said before, Robbie seemed to be the only character in this episode going through something, but the episode seemed to hate him for that specific reason.
EXTRA THOUGHTS
-I'll never forget what Ray said about the Victorious cast having an air of coolness about them. They were the kind of people who commanded attention when they were on screen, but were just saddled with so much mediocre material that it didn't always shine through. I still think this show had the potential to be better than iCarly, because of all the different characters to explore and what made them become who they were. You could even address the environment of Hollywood Arts and how it influenced the personalities of the students.
-It's a small thing, but I like how Robbie is apparently the "wig master" and he is the only one that can handle the girls' wigs. Also, Jade plays the dumb blonde in Beck's movie, which I have to assume is just him wanting to see his ex-girlfriend act like an idiot for his amusement.
-There was a joke at the beginning of the episode that I hated the first time I heard it, and I still hate it now. Cat says she's wondered about life as a blonde before, and has also wondered about what you do when a thirsty person gets injured, because they will either need lemonade or first aid. I don't know what to say about it. It's just a really stupid joke that hangs there, and only drives home the point that Cat is stupid. Or insane, whichever adjective you like.
-The whole reason Cat meets Evan is because Tori convinces Cat and Jade that they should keep their costumes on and go to Nozu to see what life is like as a blonde. I remember the episode promos mentioning this like it was going to be a big deal, but it only lasted one scene and the whole joke is that Tori is an idiot for thinking blondes had more privileges in life. Honestly, I think this premise had more legs than what they actually went with.
-Again, it's just weird how the episode treats Robbie. And because of that, it ends up affecting the characters too. Whenever Robbie's in a scene, the others just seem to have an extra amount of contempt for him, like he's diseased or something. After Cat barely has a reaction to Robbie's speech, all Tori does is question Robbie's statement that guys would be lucky as cheese to go out with Cat. It's almost like she's known about Robbie's feelings for a long time and doesn't care about them because she knows that Cat doesn't feel the same way. Or at least, that's what I think because Tori has no reaction to her friend pouring his heart out to another one of her friends. Later on, Robbie repeats the "lucky as cheese" statement and Tori just looks at him. I don't get it. Wouldn't Tori of all people want to help Robbie get closer to Cat? I'm assuming she would care about something like this, but from the looks of it, nobody seems to care about anything in this episode.
-They really hammer home the point that Evan likes blonde hair and blue eyes through the girls checking out his Slap page, and to make it even more on the nose, one of his dislikes is people who pretend to be something they're not. All the episode tells me about Evan is that he is a shallow person, and a relationship with him will never work. And then Cat decides to be herself anyway and it doesn't matter because Evan is a shallow person. Seriously, this guy has no character whatsoever.
-I really think this episode could have redeemed itself if Cat realized Robbie's feelings and at least acknowledged them in some way after his song is over. But then the episode just ends with no payoff and Cat completely disregarding the whole song. I'm left wondering why Robbie would even want to date Cat, because beyond her being incredibly stupid, it's clear that she doesn't care about him, and finds the possibility of being attracted to him weird. It's just jarring to go from this to "One Thousand Berry Balls" where all of a sudden, Cat has feelings for Robbie and gets jealous over seeing him with another girl. And then the series finale where one of the last interactions these two characters have is Cat thinking that cuddling with Robbie would be gross. Yeah, I'm done here. Next time, I'll try talking about an old show you probably weren't expecting me to ever talk about.
Victorious is a weird show to talk about. It was weird even by Dan Schneider standards. If I wanted to be mean, I could say that all of the problems that Dan Schneider's shows have in 2018 started with this show. I could say that iCarly was negatively influenced by it. I could say that Dan Schneider working on it and iCarly at the same time led to both shows declining past the point of no return. And I could also say that it only had one good season, which was the first one.
But here's the thing: I'm not just saying all of that. I firmly believe in all of those things.
When Victorious started, I was in the sixth grade. When it ended, I was a freshman in high school. One thing I want to make clear is that I was a very stupid and immature kid back then. Earlier this year, I spent a day cleansing my entire Twitter of terrible, terrible posts because I was disgusted at how overtly corny I used to be. That part of me is still there, but it's a lot more dormant. And it's not something I take pride in anymore. I say all that to let you know that even in my corniest possible state, I was cognizant enough to see the show's decline happen right before my eyes.
I remember enjoying the first season of Victorious and thinking that it was different from iCarly. The show still had Schneider's trademark humor, but the stories were different and at least in the beginning, the characters seemed like they had some depth to them. I always believed that you could make Victorious for adults and the show wouldn't be too different from what it was for kids. In fact, it would be better that way because these characters would actually be explored seriously, and not just be empty joke machines.
Beck lived in an RV away from his parents. Andre's grandmother was mentally insane. Cat was mentally insane with a mentally insane brother, and most likely grew up in a mentally insane family. Robbie walked around with a puppet that only existed to insult him and break him down psychologically, while being bolder and more confident than the person walking around with him. Jade had an uncaring father and a variety of psychological problems. You get the point. Victorious was a show that worked well because along with great jokes, the characters were grounded and relatable. You weren't just laughing at what they said or did. You identified with them as people. Episodes like "Wok Star" and "Rex Dies" were the perfect blend of comedy and drama, and if the producers played their cards right, the show could have potentially surpassed iCarly in quality.
But then something unexplainable happened. Eventually, it became more fun to the writers to just treat these characters like they were pathetic caricatures. I felt this way when these episodes aired and I feel the same way now. I didn't understand it because I was aware of what the show could have been, and instead, it just wasted away whatever potential it had. It became weird for the sake of weird. It devolved into a cartoon. I still have nightmares of scenes like Cat buying a drink and immediately throwing it away because she wasn't thirsty, or Jade driving Tori to a dirt road with the intention of killing her, or the gang being tortured on a game show for no apparent reason other than them being in pain equals great comedy. I wish I could talk about this at length, but I need to discuss the episode now and expand on my overall thoughts later on in a different post.
I said in my "iFind Spencer Friends" review that when iCarly failed, it was more like disappointment than anything else. A bad episode rarely angered me, it just annoyed me. But when Victorious failed, it was like the show was going out of its way to create a terrible episode. And "The Blonde Squad" is no exception. I didn't like this episode in 2012 when it first aired, and six years later, my opinion hasn't changed. In fact, because I have had time to reflect on everything, the episode is worse now than it was in 2012.
The plot here is about a boy named Evan falling for Cat at Nozu because of her blonde wig and blue contacts. She was in costume because of a movie Beck was directing. Cat never told Evan about her real hair color or eye color, finds out that the boy is obsessed with blonde hair and blue eyes, and decides to keep her costume on the next time she sees Evan. Tori convinces her to be herself, Evan tells her that he likes blonde girls, and the episode is over.
Wait. It's not. There's a reason I chose to review this.
See, throughout the entire episode, there's this other plotline of Robbie dealing with his feelings for Cat. He has even written a song about her. However, the episode seems to hate Robbie for having these feelings. When he tells Tori that he wrote a song about a girl, he gets dressed down by Trina for no apparent reason. When Robbie gives a heartfelt, impassioned speech to Cat in an attempt to boost her confidence, she tells Robbie that he doesn't know how guys think. I wish I was kidding, but she literally says this. Tori and Jade are completely confused by the speech, as if they forgot Robbie was a human being. And when Robbie finally performs his song for Cat at the end of the episode, she wonders if she should dye her hair blonde. This is the only reaction she has to the song.
See, I can't get invested in anything this episode does because the episode doesn't want me to. Evan is such a one-note character that this whole story of Cat needing to be true to herself doesn't matter. And it ends up not having any positive results because Evan doesn't change his mind about blondes once Cat shows him what she really looks like. I care more about Robbie's story because he's the only character with something to actually gain or lose here. A normal episode would have Cat realize that Robbie cares about her because of who she is and not what she looks like. But because this is "The Blonde Squad," we have to do the complete opposite of everything a normal sitcom does. I feel like this is supposed to be a subversion of what would usually happen, but just because it is a subversion, doesn't mean it works. It just makes me feel bad because Robbie is getting put through the wringer for absolutely nothing.
There was an episode in season one called "Robarazzi," where Robbie exploits his friends in an attempt to gain popularity for his blog. While the blog becomes a hit, Robbie turns into an asshole in his attempt to become successful, and he ends up getting his comeuppance for his behavior. This is an example of punishing a character who deserved it, a character who went through an actual story, and it was during a time when Robbie wasn't a spineless weirdo. I don't know what "The Blonde Squad" is trying to do at all. It sets up two plotlines and both of them are unsatisfactory. Nobody in this episode comes out of it having learned or achieved anything. The jokes are mostly nonexistent and/or fall flat. It's almost as if the writers didn't know what this episode was supposed to be. And a lot of Victorious episodes after a certain point ended up like this. "Tori Gets Stuck," "Prom Wrecker" to some extent, "Tori Tortures Teacher," "Driving Tori Crazy," "Wanko's Warehouse," "The Hambone King," "Robbie Sells Rex." Even the damn series finale, "Victori-Yes." To be fair, it wasn't supposed to be the last episode, but it does say a lot about where the series was going at the time.
At the end of the day, Victorious was a mildly entertaining show that started off well and fell off a cliff by the time it was over. As the show increased in popularity, it decreased in quality. Looking at it from a different perspective, Victorious could have done some amazing things. Characters like Cat and Jade had interesting backstories that could have been explored, not in a deeply dramatic way, but at least in a way that gave us some insight into who they really were. Episodes like "Stage Fighting" or "Wok Star" said more about Jade's character than anything she did in the next three seasons. Imagine if there was a character study about Cat or Robbie. The little things that make us understand them more and humanize them. Hell, imagine if Trina was ever taken seriously.
But instead, the show was more comfortable with random gags and making fun of the characters' eccentric behavior than examining the behavior. That wouldn't have been so bad if the jokes weren't so awkward and the pacing so slow. Episodes like "The Blonde Squad" became the norm, and every now and again, you might get something like "April Fools Blank" or "Opposite Date," but after the first season, consistency stopped being the strong suit of Victorious. Maybe season one was just a fluke.
Episode Grade: C-
Episode MVP: Matt Bennett, I guess. Like I said before, Robbie seemed to be the only character in this episode going through something, but the episode seemed to hate him for that specific reason.
EXTRA THOUGHTS
-I'll never forget what Ray said about the Victorious cast having an air of coolness about them. They were the kind of people who commanded attention when they were on screen, but were just saddled with so much mediocre material that it didn't always shine through. I still think this show had the potential to be better than iCarly, because of all the different characters to explore and what made them become who they were. You could even address the environment of Hollywood Arts and how it influenced the personalities of the students.
-It's a small thing, but I like how Robbie is apparently the "wig master" and he is the only one that can handle the girls' wigs. Also, Jade plays the dumb blonde in Beck's movie, which I have to assume is just him wanting to see his ex-girlfriend act like an idiot for his amusement.
-There was a joke at the beginning of the episode that I hated the first time I heard it, and I still hate it now. Cat says she's wondered about life as a blonde before, and has also wondered about what you do when a thirsty person gets injured, because they will either need lemonade or first aid. I don't know what to say about it. It's just a really stupid joke that hangs there, and only drives home the point that Cat is stupid. Or insane, whichever adjective you like.
-The whole reason Cat meets Evan is because Tori convinces Cat and Jade that they should keep their costumes on and go to Nozu to see what life is like as a blonde. I remember the episode promos mentioning this like it was going to be a big deal, but it only lasted one scene and the whole joke is that Tori is an idiot for thinking blondes had more privileges in life. Honestly, I think this premise had more legs than what they actually went with.
-Again, it's just weird how the episode treats Robbie. And because of that, it ends up affecting the characters too. Whenever Robbie's in a scene, the others just seem to have an extra amount of contempt for him, like he's diseased or something. After Cat barely has a reaction to Robbie's speech, all Tori does is question Robbie's statement that guys would be lucky as cheese to go out with Cat. It's almost like she's known about Robbie's feelings for a long time and doesn't care about them because she knows that Cat doesn't feel the same way. Or at least, that's what I think because Tori has no reaction to her friend pouring his heart out to another one of her friends. Later on, Robbie repeats the "lucky as cheese" statement and Tori just looks at him. I don't get it. Wouldn't Tori of all people want to help Robbie get closer to Cat? I'm assuming she would care about something like this, but from the looks of it, nobody seems to care about anything in this episode.
-They really hammer home the point that Evan likes blonde hair and blue eyes through the girls checking out his Slap page, and to make it even more on the nose, one of his dislikes is people who pretend to be something they're not. All the episode tells me about Evan is that he is a shallow person, and a relationship with him will never work. And then Cat decides to be herself anyway and it doesn't matter because Evan is a shallow person. Seriously, this guy has no character whatsoever.
-I really think this episode could have redeemed itself if Cat realized Robbie's feelings and at least acknowledged them in some way after his song is over. But then the episode just ends with no payoff and Cat completely disregarding the whole song. I'm left wondering why Robbie would even want to date Cat, because beyond her being incredibly stupid, it's clear that she doesn't care about him, and finds the possibility of being attracted to him weird. It's just jarring to go from this to "One Thousand Berry Balls" where all of a sudden, Cat has feelings for Robbie and gets jealous over seeing him with another girl. And then the series finale where one of the last interactions these two characters have is Cat thinking that cuddling with Robbie would be gross. Yeah, I'm done here. Next time, I'll try talking about an old show you probably weren't expecting me to ever talk about.
Sunday, November 18, 2018
Stan Lee: 1922-2018
This is another guest post from frequent commentator/reader Shipping Wars Are Stupid (hence the formatting) regarding the passing of Stan Lee. He did a much better job than I can (not to mention it lets me cover the topic while...umm...being lazy) so please enjoy his words. Thank you!
At the age of 95, Stan Lee took his final breath and left this world Monday. It has been a moment we knew was coming. It is going difficult to face. And in the coming days, weeks, and months, there will be many better tributes than mine. I cannot remember when I first learned of Lee or his work. It had to be in my early childhood...The first thing I remember? I remember being in the third grade and my friend bringing drawings of Spider-man fighting the Green Goblin to class because he was so excited for the new movie. This was in 2002. In 2004, I saw my first Marvel movie when I saw Spider-man 2. My parents took me and this was one of the final movies I saw before I moved to Maine. It absolutely blew my socks off. To this day, it remains one of my absolute favorites with its excellent writing, sympathetic villain and quality special effects for its time. When I entered high school, Iron Man came out in the spring and some of my classmates started whispering that there was an end credits scene. A scene that would start the largest and most ambitious project in cinema history. It led to the creation of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which has provided me with dozens of hours of entertainment over the following decade. We are talking thousands of jobs and billions of dollars in the economy that can be directly attributed to the imagination of a man from Manhattan. We know their names. Logan. Peter Parker. Bruce Banner. Tony Stark. Steve Rogers. We know them better as Wolverine, Spider-man, The Hulk, Iron Man, and Captain America. When we talk about Stan Lee, we are not talking about just some "celebrity." Lee was not a celebrity. He was not a hero or a legend. He was an icon. For myself and millions of others all over the world, he served as a source of humor, of inspiration and creativity. There was never anyone quite like him. There never will be again. With great power comes great responsibility. When I have children, it will be a responsibility of mine to share with them what Stan gave to us. The lessons and morals he shares. It's the least we can do for a man who gave us so much. One person really can make a difference. And, right now, that person is you, Stan. Thank you for everything.
At the age of 95, Stan Lee took his final breath and left this world Monday. It has been a moment we knew was coming. It is going difficult to face. And in the coming days, weeks, and months, there will be many better tributes than mine. I cannot remember when I first learned of Lee or his work. It had to be in my early childhood...The first thing I remember? I remember being in the third grade and my friend bringing drawings of Spider-man fighting the Green Goblin to class because he was so excited for the new movie. This was in 2002. In 2004, I saw my first Marvel movie when I saw Spider-man 2. My parents took me and this was one of the final movies I saw before I moved to Maine. It absolutely blew my socks off. To this day, it remains one of my absolute favorites with its excellent writing, sympathetic villain and quality special effects for its time. When I entered high school, Iron Man came out in the spring and some of my classmates started whispering that there was an end credits scene. A scene that would start the largest and most ambitious project in cinema history. It led to the creation of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which has provided me with dozens of hours of entertainment over the following decade. We are talking thousands of jobs and billions of dollars in the economy that can be directly attributed to the imagination of a man from Manhattan. We know their names. Logan. Peter Parker. Bruce Banner. Tony Stark. Steve Rogers. We know them better as Wolverine, Spider-man, The Hulk, Iron Man, and Captain America. When we talk about Stan Lee, we are not talking about just some "celebrity." Lee was not a celebrity. He was not a hero or a legend. He was an icon. For myself and millions of others all over the world, he served as a source of humor, of inspiration and creativity. There was never anyone quite like him. There never will be again. With great power comes great responsibility. When I have children, it will be a responsibility of mine to share with them what Stan gave to us. The lessons and morals he shares. It's the least we can do for a man who gave us so much. One person really can make a difference. And, right now, that person is you, Stan. Thank you for everything.
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