The Thundermans Reviewed: The Thunder Games

The time has come.

No. If you're looking at this review, you don't need to adjust your eyes. The review of the Thundermans series finale has finally arrived after months of delays and anticipation. You wanted it, you prayed for it, you demanded it. And now, in the final days of 2018, you're getting it.

Okay, none of that actually happened but you know where I'm going with this. This review has been a long time coming. You might recall back in May that I announced that I was going to review the last five episodes of The Thundermans, including the series finale right here. The other four episodes preceding it would become mini-reviews. Because Nickelodeon needed to get this show off the air as quickly as possible, they decided to burn off the remaining episodes in one night on May 25, and the one-hour series finale didn't even air at 8:00, but at 8:30. I mocked this decision at the time, especially since all these episodes were coming on Friday night, and Thundermans episodes traditionally aired on Saturday nights. To make matters worse, Nickelodeon aired all the final episodes in reruns the very next night, using the same model I suggested with "The Thunder Games" starting at 8:00 like it should have. So, yeah. The scheduling here will always be ridiculous in my mind.

Anyway, my plan was to write a review of the series finale first and then a further review about the current state of Nickelodeon since the show was leaving. That further review is definitely more necessary now than it was in May. However, I started putting it on hold for no apparent reason. Procrastination took control of me, days became weeks, weeks became months, and now, we're here. One thing I wanted to do sooner rather than later was to review this episode before it was too late. I'm just happy it aired on TeenNick the other day and I was scrolling through channels at just the right time to record it. Since the episode came a week ago, you could call it a Christmas miracle.

By the way, happy new year, everybody. Maybe 2019 will be less disgusting than the last couple years.

I decided not to review the last four episodes and just focus on the series finale. In May, it would have been a nice tie-in. Now, I don't really see the point, especially since this show is not serialized. Anyway, here we go. "The Thunder Games" review is underway.

So, the main story here is that Phoebe and Max have reached the final round of Z-Force training and end up winning a spot. However, the Z-Force commander Dirk Trumbo doesn't want both of them because they don't share a twin power, making them the exact same superhero. Dirk makes the two compete against each other for the spot. Meanwhile, it is revealed that Dr. Colosso has a long-lost son competing for a Z-Force spot named Balfour, otherwise known as "The Gamer" (played by Joey Bragg from Liv & Maddie). When he loses to Phoebe and Max, Balfour seeks revenge on the Thundermans for turning his father into a bunny.

Okay, now what can I really say here? The one thing I liked about The Thundermans is that unlike a lot of other live-action kids shows, it was able to have genuinely dramatic moments without it feeling jarring or out of place. Emotional scenes actually had an impact when they needed to. However, in this episode, I feel like the drama the show usually brings to the table isn't here. Balfour isn't a convincing villain at all, and I almost feel like that's the point. This episode should be about Phoebe and Max, and by extension, the entire Thunderman family. But having to create a new character, give him a backstory, tie him in with the family somehow, and then have him get his revenge while Phoebe and Max are trying to get into the Z-Force feels like too much for one episode, even if it is two parts. A storyline like that could have been its own episode, and it's not like "The Thunder Games" needed it. It feels contrived and a little forced. Like I said, The Thundermans has succeeded with drama before, but this time, it felt unnecessary to have when the main story was enough to justify it.

Another thing that brought this episode down was the clash of different tones. At least until the end, it felt like I couldn't take anything seriously. Balfour was so comical, so cartoonish with what he was doing that none of it really struck a chord with me. Like I said, a story about Dr. Colosso teaming up with his long-lost son to destroy the Thundermans, and Colosso having trouble with taking out Max because he felt like more of a son than Balfour did, could have been its own one-hour episode. Maybe it has to do with who was cast. Joey Bragg is funny here to an extent, but you can tell that they wanted him to be silly when the episode should have called for him to be more serious. Now, I'm over here thinking that this is how Joey normally acted on Liv & Maddie.

However, if I can give this episode any credit, it's to the scene where Phoebe and Max discover their twin power. The scene is dramatic in a way that some of the best Thundermans episodes have been, and the actors really sell the horrors of being lobotomized. Chris Tallman normally had to be comedic in the series, but some of his best moments as Hank were when things got serious. Like when he told Max that there was no turning back if he went down the villainous path, or right here in this episode when he tells his family that they're all going down together. It becomes genuinely emotional for a moment. It finally feels like the characters were taking the situation seriously, and from that point forward, the episode became much better. Unfortunately, it was near the end so it improved a little bit too late.

In the end, the episode was satisfying enough that I feel like the series went out strong. Phoebe and Max were chosen to lead the Z-Force (renamed as the T-Force for Thunderman) after Dirk was fired and turned into a coffee gofer. The entire Thunderman family gets hired by Phoebe and Max to join the T-Force, officially making them all superheroes. The ending actually brings the series full-circle: The family moved to Hiddenville for a normal life, but five years later, their normal life was what they were trying to run away from the whole time.

The Thundermans arrived at a time when Nickelodeon was in a transitional period. iCarly, Victorious, and Big Time Rush had all ended within a year, and those shows had anchored the network in the early 2010s. Shows like How to Rock barely lasted a minute on the network. This was around the time where Nickelodeon was treating its live-action programming like a fire sale, getting rid of any shows that were breathing. The Thundermans was able to avoid that mentality and become the top show on Nickelodeon in less than a year, mostly because of mediocre competition and other potential shows not even being given a chance to survive. You could say that it helped anchor the network in the mid-2010s the same way its predecessors did a few years prior. In the end, it was able to maintain a consistent quality and entertain me, so while it was far from what Nickelodeon made in its glory days, or even a few years before its premiere, it might be the last decent live-action show that the network produces for quite some time.

Then again, I Am Frankie is still taking up space on my DVR and I might want to review it at some point, so we'll see how much my previous statement holds up.

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Kira Kosarin and Jack Griffo. The series started with them, and ended with them. It was their show from the beginning, and they were the ones that gave Phoebe and Max their own little charm as a contrast to other characters Nickelodeon has had in the last few years. I'm not going to be emotional, but it was a damn good run from these two.
Series MVP: Kira Kosarin and Jack Griffo

EXTRA THOUGHTS 
-I always wondered why they never changed the intro, even after Billy and Nora got noticeably older. Phoebe and Max also look slightly older than they did in the pilot episode, but I guess they were easier to get away with.

-Now that I mention Billy, Diego Velazquez's voice sounded like it went through reverse puberty in this episode. I say this because Billy sounds closer to what he sounded like in the earlier seasons than he has in season four. Did the producers digitally alter his voice? He definitely sounds younger here.

-I always thought it was funny how the characters made such a big deal about Max's "swoosh" haircut. Like it was a part of his identity.

-Now that the series is over, the theme song is gone as well. One of the best theme songs in the last couple years is no longer around which creates another problem: The last decent show on Nick is taking the network's last really good theme song away. Not named The Loud House.

-Again, it's just weird how the Balfour storyline is treated so comedically, especially when it could have made a great episode on its own. Dr. Colosso finds out he has a son, and doesn't seem to give that much of a damn about him or the situation. Also, Balfour gets turned into a bunny so I guess he can bond with his father over making fun of the family.

-I don't think I'm breaking new ground by saying this, but The Thundermans was never a really funny show. It was always just kinda amusing in terms of comedy. That mentality also appears in this episode because there was a lack of really good jokes. There were two in particular that I thought were great: Phoebe and Max are ahead of Balfour in the Z-Force challenges, but they just stand there and watch Balfour catch up to them. They then wonder why they're letting this happen and continue the challenges. Later on, with both of them being bunnies, Dr. Colosso tries to get Balfour to say something sarcastic towards the twins, but he just tells Max to die in a stern voice. Max's disturbed expression was fantastic.

-A great way to wrap everything up as the Thundermans go to fight some crime at the end of the episode. Phoebe breaks the fourth wall and changes the family photo from the opening sequence into them as superheroes, symbolizing who they will always be.

Quite possibly the worst book I've ever read in my life

No I'm not going to type it all here because I don't want to rewrite what I already wrote on Goodreads and I can just paste a link to it here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2644453074?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1

Spoiler alert: it's getting an F--, the lowest grade this blog bothers to "reward." And believe me, it really does live up to that F--.

Other Thoughts:

 maybe some updates on what's been going on personally and an end-of-year Disney Channel and Nickelodeon review hopefully tonight or at least tomorrow. The current state of both networks is going to force some changes to how I usually format them. Also I'd really like to respond and add to Mike's review of G.I. Jessie as requested (literally everyone who's been reading this blog has been requesting it - which isn't hard because again there's like three of you).

Season 2 of Raven's Home is about as bad as Season 2 of Bunk'd now

Season 2 of Bunk'd was bad by basically doubling-down on how bad Season 1 was. Jorge became even more of an offensive stereotype to the point where one has to wonder just how in the world can the writing staff get away with this while employed by a company officially endorsing "The Force is Female" shirts and I really have to wonder how Mateo Arias was even able to live with himself like this; and the same with Nina Lui's character, just, not quite as bad; and just...more garbage plots.

But Season 2 of Raven's Home is bad, equally bad, but in a different way. It's just simply as if the writing staff of that show just...doesn't know how to actually write a show. The Bunk'd crew clearly know how to write a comedy, they just seemingly almost deliberately did it bad, awful and at worst (and way too often) downright offensively. As for the S2 Raven's Home crew, it's as if they've been thrown into a situation they have no idea how to get themselves out of. It's like they took, I dunno, the studio custodial team or the caterers and told them, ok guys now you're writing a tween sitcom.

Before I go on I just want to point out who that writing staff is. I have no idea - well, I mean, they literally tell you in the credits, that's the sole reason why credits exist, but unlike with what I'm going to call Disney Channel Classic (Lizzie McGuire all the way to as recent as last year with Bizaardvark and Andi Mack) I don't feel particularly compelled to pay attention anymore - up to a point. I do know that the S1 crew was Entertainment Force - the same crew that put together Best Friends Whenever? Man I miss Best Friends Whenever I loved that show. And now it's November 13 with the frying pan for some reason, and the pug dog...whatever. Obviously they pulled a I Didn't Do It and switched out the production crew between seasons, and just like with I Didn't Do It it was for the worst.

And an additional note regarding just what the hell do I mean when I talk about Entertainment Force, and November 13, and pug dogs, and Bon Mot (Pamela Eells O'Connell's team, of Suite Life and Jessie fame) and all this other random nonsense - so there's a difference between network, studio and production company. The network - in this case Disney Channel - is quite simply the network or channel that occupies a spot on your TV range that airs these programs. The studio - in this case It's a Laugh Productions - is the actual entity that makes the TV show, i.e. films it - it's exactly as you classically imagine a studio lot as being like the classic Columbia and Paramount lots of yore with the giant airplane hangar-like soundstages and tour groups. Except in this specific case It's A Laugh Productions is a wholly-owned sub-entity of ABC Television Productions that's the actual studio where these shows are produced (likewise with Horizon, which is literally the same thing except shows that are single-cam format are labeled as Horizon productions instead for some reason) but that difference is quite frankly immaterial. Huge chunks of the crew, including important personnel like directors such as Micheal Dean Seaton and Rick I Forgot His Name are more than free to wander about the studio lot onto other ABC productions, or even other lots entirely like CBS Television and FOX Television (although I guess FOX and ABC are the same thing now...). And then you have the actual production crew - which includes a core group of writers and producers (or more specifically, showrunners) that basically have formed a posse and hang out together making TV shows. They can be fairly decently-sized groups or as little as two people or even a single individual. They're completely and totally mercenary (at least in theory) going around freelance-style to whatever studios happen to pick up their shows for production, and whatever networks happen to pick up those shows for actual airing.

This is what those different groups like Bon Mot, Entertainment Force, November 13 whatever are. They're effectively just freelance creative brain trusts made up of a few selective individuals.

Perhaps the best-known and best-illustrative example is Bad Robot - what it boils down to is that that just means it's a J.J. Abrams production. But J.J. Abrams isn't the actual production studio or network/film distributor - he lacks that infrastructure and is still dependent on pitching his ideas to those entities and hope they will pick them up (or hope that they'll commission him for projects as is the case with Star Trek and Star Wars). Or with Jerry Bruckheimer productions which - well I hope it's kinda self-explanatory who's the big guy behind that one is. Or Shore Z, which is the posse David Shore (House and now The Good Doctor) has formed around himself. Although in practice most if not all of these production crews are practically in-house for Disney Channel anyway since they meet and work together under the circumstances of being employed by Disney. Oops Donuts is actually one of the few notable exceptions since they do a show for Nickelodeon for now but it's still obviously solidly in the realm of primarily tween entertainment. And (at least traditionally) most Disney Channel productions don't have a separate production entity at all, effectively making by default It's A Laugh Productions both the actual studio and production posse crew. It's people who command a lot of clout, talent or both - like Ron Hart and John Beck of Oops Donuts and Pamela Eells O'Connell of Bon Mot - who get to "declare" their own production company as far as Disney's concerned (or are brought in from the outside with that kind of resources already in place - again just like with the examples I just named).

But that's not really the main point of this post, the main point is to talk about how...these guys don't know what they're doing with Raven's Home. It feels like I'm watching a sitcom put together by exactly the demographic this show's aimed at, but very clearly being in the demo is distinct from understanding the demo, or at least having the talent to pull it off. The plots and the writing of the characters just feel...extremely detached from reality in a very particular way. I don't want to go so far as what AV Club once said of the infamous Secret Life of the American Teenager and claim it's actually produced by aliens who understand Earth only from intercepted television signals. It still feels like it's made by actual human people with regular, normal contact with society-at-large and/or who regularly watch television.

But it also feels like it's made by people who are just in over their heads and while they understand the most basic physical fundamentals - they know how to form proper sentences and which end of the camera they need to point at things - the actual concept of writing a script for television and directing actors is a concept far, far beyond their current level of expertise and training.

Season 2 Grade: It's an F. In all intellectual honesty I don't know what other kind of grade to give it. I don't remember what grade I gave Bunk'd Season 2 but...it's an F. Just watching Raven's Home is such an awkward experience I can't really get through an episode which...really should mean an automatic F.

...well, I take that back. The show was pretty OK up until after the Siezemore Returns arc. That was actually pretty good up until after that point and I really enjoyed that arc. But then right after that...it felt like a different show entirely, let alone suddenly a drastically different Season 3. There's this Scut thing, and then there's this little kid who's the kid of the landlord, and...just stuff. Like I said, just too awkward to really watch through.

Season 2 MVP: Eeehhhh...I mean the kid actors try to carry it through their best as if nothing'sh happened and I'd give them credit for that. Raven...eh I guess. But really, I'm not sure how to reward this.

On why I haven't been posting lately

...so I'm looking at the time and, umm...this is bad timing because I gotta get up early in the morning.

Expect a longer post in here but long story short...my life's a mess.

I'm not kidding. This is the lowest point I've been at in over four years. And I'm the guy who makes posts about being into Disney Channel in the first place because my fiancee dumped me when I found out I had cancer.

But yeah. So there's that.

Extra Thoughts

 - There's a lot to cover here. The two-episode story arc of Andi Mack about the gun thing could probably get a week's worth of stuff alone because I'm basically doing that in real life (the thing about stopping guns in schools, not bringing them in, don't get the wrong impression and like I dunno call the cops on me or something plz k thx). Also a thing called Life Sized 2 happened, and yes I have it on my DVR so we're going to cover that.

Also in case you haven't noticed...both Disney Channel and Nickelodeon are in really, truly exceptionally shitty states right now. Yeah we'll cover that too.

Oh yeah and the G.I. Jessie thing don't worry I'll get to that.

Oh yeah and despite feeling so shitty lately I'm making the move to YouTube. I've already got a few videos recorded even! So yeah you'll get to experience what I actually look like and my extremely nasaly voice that makes me sound like male Lois Griffin.

Jessie Reviewed: G.I. Jessie

Now I know not to watch this again. And knowing is half the battle. 



I just want to say that if Ray sees this at some point and never gives his two cents, it would have all been for nothing.



I say that because you would expect Ray to review an episode of Jessie, not me. But I figure it was time for a change of pace from talking about Dan Schneider shows and avoiding the Thundermans write-ups for several months, long after people have already forgotten about the existence of the series (I just need to find the last couple episodes and I'm straight). The good news is, this episode has a lot to talk about and unpack. The bad news is, most of the discussion today will be negative so it's almost like unpacking an enormous beehive and hoping you won't get attacked. It's not good for me or anyone else who reads this to try rolling that dice, but I have to roll them anyway.



So at this point, we're all aware of what Jessie is, right? I don't need to bring anybody up to speed? Great. The thing is, even though I remember it, and I remember being a fan of it, I don't remember it being one of my favorite shows. I always thought it was decent, but I was more interested in Good Luck Charlie and A.N.T. Farm, mostly because they were better shows with more entertaining characters. Also, I used to have a big crush on Bridgit Mendler so that might have played a role in it too. Eventually, I became less interested in Jessie, mostly because it went from decent to mediocre after a certain point and it was never something I was that interested in to begin with. It also doesn't help that the show was surrounded by much better competition, and the fact that I was becoming disinterested in both Nickelodeon and Disney Channel as I was getting deep into high school. I remember thinking the series finale was mediocre, and then instead of letting these characters die, they gave them a spin-off at a summer camp. And believe me, if I ever review that show, it will be a sign that I'm no longer getting enough oxygen. At least it's over.



I saw that this episode was on TV the other day so I decided to give it a shot. I remember a lot of people hating it when it first aired because the characterization was off, especially from the kids. I didn't think much of the episode either, but it had been a long time since I had watched it. Maybe things would be different this time?



And they were. They definitely were, because this episode is much worse than I remember it being.



The plot here is that Jessie takes the kids with her to her father's military base in Texas for the weekend. Jessie sees it as an opportunity to make peace with the old man after she ran off to New York to pursue an acting career. While in Texas, she finds out that her father is not only getting married again, but he is marrying his commanding officer, who just so happens to be the mother of Darla Shannon, Jessie's greatest enemy. Meanwhile, Emma finds love when she falls for Darla's brother Caleb, and Bertram has his own plot that's not worth getting into because the episode would pretty much be the same without it.



One of the biggest problems in this episode is the behavior of the kids. They're complete brats for 44 minutes, and they don't let up at all until Jessie gives them a speech about how awful they all are. Then they go back to being brats, and save the day in spite of all the trouble they caused, while also potentially making it worse which I'll get to soon. I can't remember how the kids acted consistently from episode to episode, but their characters here are insufferable beyond compare. All they do is complain about things, destroy whatever they see, and run off at the mouth when someone should have smacked them for having loose tongues. And they do all of these things unsupervised. For 44 minutes, nobody is watching these children, which gives them free rein to act like they have no common sense or ability to restrain themselves. But that's the thing. I feel like they would normally behave like actual human beings, but they don't.


I get what the show is trying to do here. Jessie needs to have her breaking point and dress these kids down like never before, so in order for the story to work, Luke, Zuri, and Ravi have to be irredeemable pieces of shit. But that just makes things worse because of how far they go to accomplish this goal. We're not seeing an actual story here, the kids are just acting out, blatantly defying Jessie's authority multiple times, and making the experience worse for her for no apparent reason. And it's not like they don't know any better. They're told multiple times not to play stupid games, sometimes by Ravi himself, and they continue playing stupid games. So when Jessie gives them their stupid prize by quitting her job, I don't feel bad at all. They brought this on themselves.



I'm not done talking about these stupid kids just yet because the whole review could be about breaking down every terrible thing they do. But the other big problem in this episode is Jessie's father. I have no reason to identify with him or see things from his perspective because he has no likable qualities whatsoever. He still harbors resentment towards Jessie for leaving Texas, which is fair enough, and there's always this underlying feeling that this resentment is what is weighing down all of his conversations with her. But he does everything wrong. He invites Jessie to Texas without telling her the real reason he brought her there. He expects her to get along with Darla for no apparent reason, which is ridiculous because Darla is another piece of shit that has no intention of getting along with Jessie. And then he just announces that he's getting married to Darla's mother. What the hell is happening here?


This episode really wants me to feel sorry for a man that misled his daughter into thinking the Texas trip was so they could reconnect, tried forcing his daughter to get along with a woman she clearly didn't like and didn't like her back, and then just decided to drop this marriage bomb on her. He was going to wait for Jessie and Darla to get along before revealing the marriage, which was all supposed to be in one weekend. And the episode acts like Jessie is in the wrong for having resistance to this whole situation. Again, what the hell is happening here?



Under normal circumstances, Jessie would want nothing to do with her father, and take the kids back to New York before telling them that they can find a new nanny. But neither of those things happen because we're supposed to act like all of these characters are good people. Except for Darla, who we only hate because we're told to. To her credit, she is a terrible person, but she's not the only terrible person in the episode. In the end, Jessie's father says that he's sorry for springing everything up on her, and that's it. That's his only act of contrition in the episode. The kids are also remorseful, but that's only because they got faced with actually having to deal with the consequences of their actions. And it's all forgotten about within minutes. Jessie snaps at the kids for everything they did, quits her job, and minutes later, she's in the B.A.T. with the kids bonding over the snow cone machine inside it. At least they halfway try to bring Jessie closer to her father, but after everything the kids have done, there's no reason why Jessie should be their nanny again. It's just something that happens, and only because the kids were stupid enough to press buttons inside of an ATV they were never supposed to touch in the first place. Why do I hate almost everybody in this episode?



The last thing I want to elaborate on is the length of this episode. It was one hour, but it felt like six hours, because all I wanted was to review this episode as quickly as possible. A regular decent episode could help mask some of the show's flaws, but with 44 minutes, everything gets exposed quickly. The characters are almost all full of smart-aleck quips that don't really work, and none of them are that well-written to care about what happens to them either. It's just exhausting to see a bunch of kids act like spoiled sociopaths for an hour, and a man try to manipulate his only daughter into accepting his decisions because of his resentment over a past transgression. The pacing really doesn't work at all. Half the time, it feels like I'm watching the same scene. I guess I could give them credit for the scene with Jessie and Emma in the bunker, but that would have been great if the episode justified it.


Like I said, Jessie's father deliberately withheld information from his daughter and forced her to accept what was coming to her because he couldn't let the past go, so this was his attempt to manipulate the situation in his favor. And the episode plays it as if Jessie was being unnecessarily cruel to her father, her future stepmother, and her future stepsister for no apparent reason. Wait, I forgot, that's how this story usually works.



You know, Disney sitcoms seem to get a bum rap everywhere I look. A lot of people point them out as being especially bad. I find it weird because Nickelodeon sitcoms really haven't been that much better in the last five years or so, but Disney Channel's live-action shows carry a bad reputation like a terminal illness. Like, a Disney sitcom having poor quality is treated like a stereotype. Episodes like "G.I. Jessie" are proof to me that this stereotype exists for a reason. For 44 minutes, Jessie goes out of its way to give you the worst episode they could come up with. The characterization is awful, the overall writing is poor, the motivations are weak, the jokes are mediocre, the resolution is stapled together with bits of fax paper, and the feeling you get overall from watching this is shame. Shame that they thought this was good enough to air on television.



The interesting thing about "G.I. Jessie" is that it is an awful episode, but it's a different brand of awfulness. It's not the same kind of awfulness like those Nickelodeon one-hour holiday specials. You know those specials are going to be terrible going into them, and you feel like your soul is exiting your body as the minutes go by so when you're done watching, it's like you let your family down because you watched it. When I watched "G.I. Jessie," I didn't feel that way. I thought it was a bad episode, but I was thinking more of a C grade for it. It wasn't until I started writing this review and looking back at everything that I realized how terrible it was. It was the kind of awfulness that sneaks up on you, and when the clarity kicks in, you can't think about the episode the same way ever again.



Episode Grade: F
Episode MVP: Peyton List. If there was any bright spot here, it was Emma because she was the only character I could tolerate, and she was also the one that helped Jessie understand things from her father's point of view. Now I know the whole reason Bunk'd existed in the first place. 



EXTRA THOUGHTS 
-Seriously, if Ray sees this, I would like him to share some thoughts on it. Especially since he believes Jessie fell off a cliff in the last two seasons. But this was the 27th episode of season two, so.....maybe this was a harbinger of things to come? I usually cite Ravi going through puberty as the time to stop watching.



-"HEY JESSIE!" I forgot the way this theme song used to climb inside your ears and stay there. It was like catchy garbage.



-Initially, Jessie was supposed to go to Texas by herself and Bertram was supposed to watch the kids. Honestly, since this episode is a personal story about Jessie and her father, it would have been way better to do it like this. Instead, Jessie decides to take the whole family with her after the kids destroy the roof and an entire water tower with a rocket. That's literally the first thing they do in this episode. Actually, this entire scene serves as a microcosm for the whole 44 minutes: The kids do something awful, and their response is to act like they didn't do anything wrong, or be proud of what they did, or find a fall guy (usually Ravi).



-Emma and Caleb's story makes no sense. Jessie and Darla bring up this longstanding feud between their families, with decades of history. Under these circumstances, Jessie's father and Darla's mother shouldn't want anything to do with each other romantically. If anything, that should have played a part in Jessie not wanting her father to get remarried. Instead, this "feuding families" plot is pushed on someone that's not a part of either family (Emma), so there's no reason to care about this. And the whole thing is null and void because Jessie's father is marrying Darla's mother so........go to hell for paying attention, I guess?



-Alright, let's go over the kids' activities: They commit property damage four times (destroying the roof/water tower, knocking down a 70-year-old statue, creating a hole in the wall at the rehearsal dinner using the B.A.T., and causing the munitions bunker to self-destruct), attack Darla with experimental weaponry unprovoked, and inadvertently set off the bunker's self-destruct button after firing a missile at it, with Jessie, Emma, and Caleb locked inside. Had they not used the grappling hook to get the door unlocked, they would have been responsible for the deaths of three people, and the bunker ends up destroyed anyway because they forgot to turn off the self-destruct button. So, on top of three people almost being killed, the bunker is destroyed anyway, resulting in what I have to assume is years worth of military equipment blown up. What's Jessie's response to realizing this? Blame Ravi.



-The kicker is that Emma was the one who locked herself, Jessie, and Caleb inside the bunker because she didn't know what else to do. The most tolerable character in this episode and she couldn't even get off scot-free.



-Seriously, I can't get over how terrible the kids are in this episode. Their behavior is disgusting in a way that I haven't seen in a long time from TV characters. And I know they're still children, but again, they knew what they were doing the whole time and didn't care about the consequences until they went way too far. And it's not like they were really sorry for what they did. They just didn't want to lose Jessie. Luke and Zuri even blame Ravi for not keeping them from doing the things they did. At the end of all this, how am I supposed to root for them? They make Jessie's life a living hell and they love it. I don't know how Ray was able to stick around after this episode.



-The only reason I don't hate Jessie's father as much as I should is because the kids were far, far worse. But after everything he did, I really don't think Jessie should have tried to meet her father halfway. It was clear he didn't respect her, while also expecting her to have eyes in the back of her head and watch the kids at every turn. He literally blames Jessie for the kids finding the B.A.T. and committing property damage. You know, even though Jessie had a role in the rehearsal brunch and probably didn't even see them leave. And they were sitting there unsupervised because apparently, nobody else was capable of watching them. And they had easy access to a military vehicle that should have been locked away. And they were told already to stay away from the B.A.T. so they intentionally went against basic instructions.



-Zuri has such a weird line in this episode that I really don't understand. I'm just pointing it out because this was an actual line that Skai Jackson had to read off the script, memorize, and then repeat on camera during filming. So, when Jessie and the kids go to save Emma, they find out that the B.A.T. can fly and they go to the munitions bunker. When Ravi questions if they are in heaven, Zuri sarcastically quips, "Am I playing washboard for the late, great country legend Tammy Wynette? Then no."



-That line was said by Zuri, a girl that shouldn't know anything about country music or who Tammy Wynette is. I didn't even know who Tammy Wynette was until I looked her up. Besides that, it's just a really unnatural response to someone questioning the danger they are currently in, and they give this weird line to someone who wouldn't know anything about Tammy Wynette for the sake of a joke. It's one of those lines that only sitcom characters say because nobody talks like that in real life.



-The weird thing about this episode is that Jessie's father insists that Jessie get along with Darla. But how come nobody says anything to Darla? She antagonizes and talks down to Jessie for the entire episode and nothing happens. It's not like she's putting on a facade, like she's overly sweet to the adults and mean to Jessie behind their backs. She's openly disrespectful and catty towards Jessie regardless of who else is nearby, so why does she never get talked to? Why is Jessie supposed to put up with this? Why is everything in this episode making me want to stop reviewing?

Stephen Hillenburg: 1961-2018

I have another review on the way but I felt like this was necessary to talk about.

https://variety.com/2018/tv/news/spongebob-squarepants-creator-dead-dies-stephen-hillenburg-1203037362/

It's a shame that this is the second legend in the entertainment industry that we have had to write this kind of article about in the last month. Stephen Hillenburg, well-known for being the creator of SpongeBob SquarePants, succumbed to his ALS and passed away on Monday at the age of 57.

I found out that Hillenburg was diagnosed with ALS several months ago, so I knew he was living on borrowed time. However, it was important to Hillenburg that he continue working on SpongeBob for as long as he physically could. Along with being the creator of the long-running animated series, Hillenburg was the showrunner for the first three seasons, and worked on The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004) as the director, a co-writer and a producer. He also came up with the story for the movie. Hillenburg left SpongeBob after the first film and began to serve as more of an advisor. He returned for the second movie Sponge Out of Water (2015) as the story writer and an executive producer. When the series returned from hiatus that summer, Hillenburg was back as well with more creative input and executive producer status.

SpongeBob SquarePants was one of my favorite shows as a kid, and the first three seasons have aged like fine wine. In its prime, SpongeBob was a masterclass in kids television, as it told stories and featured characters that children gravitated to without alienating older viewers, and its humor was some of the best that any children's show has ever had. If it wasn't for shows like SpongeBob, I don't know who I would be or what I would be doing. Would I even be writing for this blog? Hard to say, but people like Stephen Hillenburg made it possible for me to be here.

At the end of the day, Hillenburg left behind a legacy that will never be forgotten. SpongeBob is now one of the most world's most recognizable and profitable cartoon characters, and lines from the show have made their way into everyday conversation. Hillenburg was bold enough to come up with the idea of a talking sea sponge having adventures underwater and turn it into a global phenomenon. Most people never get that opportunity. So rest in peace to a man that was creative, passionate, and by all accounts, an overall humble and principled individual.

Victorious Reviewed: The Blonde Squad

I was looking through my old reviews when I decided to write this. Just go with it and let it happen. 

Victorious is a weird show to talk about. It was weird even by Dan Schneider standards. If I wanted to be mean, I could say that all of the problems that Dan Schneider's shows have in 2018 started with this show. I could say that iCarly was negatively influenced by it. I could say that Dan Schneider working on it and iCarly at the same time led to both shows declining past the point of no return. And I could also say that it only had one good season, which was the first one.

But here's the thing: I'm not just saying all of that. I firmly believe in all of those things.

When Victorious started, I was in the sixth grade. When it ended, I was a freshman in high school. One thing I want to make clear is that I was a very stupid and immature kid back then. Earlier this year, I spent a day cleansing my entire Twitter of terrible, terrible posts because I was disgusted at how overtly corny I used to be. That part of me is still there, but it's a lot more dormant. And it's not something I take pride in anymore. I say all that to let you know that even in my corniest possible state, I was cognizant enough to see the show's decline happen right before my eyes.

I remember enjoying the first season of Victorious and thinking that it was different from iCarly. The show still had Schneider's trademark humor, but the stories were different and at least in the beginning, the characters seemed like they had some depth to them. I always believed that you could make Victorious for adults and the show wouldn't be too different from what it was for kids. In fact, it would be better that way because these characters would actually be explored seriously, and not just be empty joke machines.

Beck lived in an RV away from his parents. Andre's grandmother was mentally insane. Cat was mentally insane with a mentally insane brother, and most likely grew up in a mentally insane family. Robbie walked around with a puppet that only existed to insult him and break him down psychologically, while being bolder and more confident than the person walking around with him. Jade had an uncaring father and a variety of psychological problems. You get the point. Victorious was a show that worked well because along with great jokes, the characters were grounded and relatable. You weren't just laughing at what they said or did. You identified with them as people. Episodes like "Wok Star" and "Rex Dies" were the perfect blend of comedy and drama, and if the producers played their cards right, the show could have potentially surpassed iCarly in quality.

But then something unexplainable happened. Eventually, it became more fun to the writers to just treat these characters like they were pathetic caricatures. I felt this way when these episodes aired and I feel the same way now. I didn't understand it because I was aware of what the show could have been, and instead, it just wasted away whatever potential it had. It became weird for the sake of weird. It devolved into a cartoon. I still have nightmares of scenes like Cat buying a drink and immediately throwing it away because she wasn't thirsty, or Jade driving Tori to a dirt road with the intention of killing her, or the gang being tortured on a game show for no apparent reason other than them being in pain equals great comedy. I wish I could talk about this at length, but I need to discuss the episode now and expand on my overall thoughts later on in a different post.

I said in my "iFind Spencer Friends" review that when iCarly failed, it was more like disappointment than anything else. A bad episode rarely angered me, it just annoyed me. But when Victorious failed, it was like the show was going out of its way to create a terrible episode. And "The Blonde Squad" is no exception. I didn't like this episode in 2012 when it first aired, and six years later, my opinion hasn't changed. In fact, because I have had time to reflect on everything, the episode is worse now than it was in 2012.

The plot here is about a boy named Evan falling for Cat at Nozu because of her blonde wig and blue contacts. She was in costume because of a movie Beck was directing. Cat never told Evan about her real hair color or eye color, finds out that the boy is obsessed with blonde hair and blue eyes, and decides to keep her costume on the next time she sees Evan. Tori convinces her to be herself, Evan tells her that he likes blonde girls, and the episode is over.

Wait. It's not. There's a reason I chose to review this.

See, throughout the entire episode, there's this other plotline of Robbie dealing with his feelings for Cat. He has even written a song about her. However, the episode seems to hate Robbie for having these feelings. When he tells Tori that he wrote a song about a girl, he gets dressed down by Trina for no apparent reason. When Robbie gives a heartfelt, impassioned speech to Cat in an attempt to boost her confidence, she tells Robbie that he doesn't know how guys think. I wish I was kidding, but she literally says this. Tori and Jade are completely confused by the speech, as if they forgot Robbie was a human being. And when Robbie finally performs his song for Cat at the end of the episode, she wonders if she should dye her hair blonde. This is the only reaction she has to the song.

See, I can't get invested in anything this episode does because the episode doesn't want me to. Evan is such a one-note character that this whole story of Cat needing to be true to herself doesn't matter. And it ends up not having any positive results because Evan doesn't change his mind about blondes once Cat shows him what she really looks like. I care more about Robbie's story because he's the only character with something to actually gain or lose here. A normal episode would have Cat realize that Robbie cares about her because of who she is and not what she looks like. But because this is "The Blonde Squad," we have to do the complete opposite of everything a normal sitcom does. I feel like this is supposed to be a subversion of what would usually happen, but just because it is a subversion, doesn't mean it works. It just makes me feel bad because Robbie is getting put through the wringer for absolutely nothing.

There was an episode in season one called "Robarazzi," where Robbie exploits his friends in an attempt to gain popularity for his blog. While the blog becomes a hit, Robbie turns into an asshole in his attempt to become successful, and he ends up getting his comeuppance for his behavior. This is an example of punishing a character who deserved it, a character who went through an actual story, and it was during a time when Robbie wasn't a spineless weirdo. I don't know what "The Blonde Squad" is trying to do at all. It sets up two plotlines and both of them are unsatisfactory. Nobody in this episode comes out of it having learned or achieved anything. The jokes are mostly nonexistent and/or fall flat. It's almost as if the writers didn't know what this episode was supposed to be. And a lot of Victorious episodes after a certain point ended up like this. "Tori Gets Stuck," "Prom Wrecker" to some extent, "Tori Tortures Teacher," "Driving Tori Crazy," "Wanko's Warehouse," "The Hambone King," "Robbie Sells Rex." Even the damn series finale, "Victori-Yes." To be fair, it wasn't supposed to be the last episode, but it does say a lot about where the series was going at the time.

At the end of the day, Victorious was a mildly entertaining show that started off well and fell off a cliff by the time it was over. As the show increased in popularity, it decreased in quality. Looking at it from a different perspective, Victorious could have done some amazing things. Characters like Cat and Jade had interesting backstories that could have been explored, not in a deeply dramatic way, but at least in a way that gave us some insight into who they really were. Episodes like "Stage Fighting" or "Wok Star" said more about Jade's character than anything she did in the next three seasons. Imagine if there was a character study about Cat or Robbie. The little things that make us understand them more and humanize them. Hell, imagine if Trina was ever taken seriously.

But instead, the show was more comfortable with random gags and making fun of the characters' eccentric behavior than examining the behavior. That wouldn't have been so bad if the jokes weren't so awkward and the pacing so slow. Episodes like "The Blonde Squad" became the norm, and every now and again, you might get something like "April Fools Blank" or "Opposite Date," but after the first season, consistency stopped being the strong suit of Victorious. Maybe season one was just a fluke.

Episode Grade: C-
Episode MVP: Matt Bennett, I guess. Like I said before, Robbie seemed to be the only character in this episode going through something, but the episode seemed to hate him for that specific reason. 

EXTRA THOUGHTS 
-I'll never forget what Ray said about the Victorious cast having an air of coolness about them. They were the kind of people who commanded attention when they were on screen, but were just saddled with so much mediocre material that it didn't always shine through. I still think this show had the potential to be better than iCarly, because of all the different characters to explore and what made them become who they were. You could even address the environment of Hollywood Arts and how it influenced the personalities of the students.

-It's a small thing, but I like how Robbie is apparently the "wig master" and he is the only one that can handle the girls' wigs. Also, Jade plays the dumb blonde in Beck's movie, which I have to assume is just him wanting to see his ex-girlfriend act like an idiot for his amusement.

-There was a joke at the beginning of the episode that I hated the first time I heard it, and I still hate it now. Cat says she's wondered about life as a blonde before, and has also wondered about what you do when a thirsty person gets injured, because they will either need lemonade or first aid. I don't know what to say about it. It's just a really stupid joke that hangs there, and only drives home the point that Cat is stupid. Or insane, whichever adjective you like.

-The whole reason Cat meets Evan is because Tori convinces Cat and Jade that they should keep their costumes on and go to Nozu to see what life is like as a blonde. I remember the episode promos mentioning this like it was going to be a big deal, but it only lasted one scene and the whole joke is that Tori is an idiot for thinking blondes had more privileges in life. Honestly, I think this premise had more legs than what they actually went with.

-Again, it's just weird how the episode treats Robbie. And because of that, it ends up affecting the characters too. Whenever Robbie's in a scene, the others just seem to have an extra amount of contempt for him, like he's diseased or something. After Cat barely has a reaction to Robbie's speech, all Tori does is question Robbie's statement that guys would be lucky as cheese to go out with Cat. It's almost like she's known about Robbie's feelings for a long time and doesn't care about them because she knows that Cat doesn't feel the same way. Or at least, that's what I think because Tori has no reaction to her friend pouring his heart out to another one of her friends. Later on, Robbie repeats the "lucky as cheese" statement and Tori just looks at him. I don't get it. Wouldn't Tori of all people want to help Robbie get closer to Cat? I'm assuming she would care about something like this, but from the looks of it, nobody seems to care about anything in this episode.

-They really hammer home the point that Evan likes blonde hair and blue eyes through the girls checking out his Slap page, and to make it even more on the nose, one of his dislikes is people who pretend to be something they're not. All the episode tells me about Evan is that he is a shallow person, and a relationship with him will never work. And then Cat decides to be herself anyway and it doesn't matter because Evan is a shallow person. Seriously, this guy has no character whatsoever.

-I really think this episode could have redeemed itself if Cat realized Robbie's feelings and at least acknowledged them in some way after his song is over. But then the episode just ends with no payoff and Cat completely disregarding the whole song. I'm left wondering why Robbie would even want to date Cat, because beyond her being incredibly stupid, it's clear that she doesn't care about him, and finds the possibility of being attracted to him weird. It's just jarring to go from this to "One Thousand Berry Balls" where all of a sudden, Cat has feelings for Robbie and gets jealous over seeing him with another girl. And then the series finale where one of the last interactions these two characters have is Cat thinking that cuddling with Robbie would be gross. Yeah, I'm done here. Next time, I'll try talking about an old show you probably weren't expecting me to ever talk about.