Sunday, July 23, 2017

Criminal Minds Original Flavor Mini-Review: Zwuyza...what the fuck? I mean seriously guys if you're not going to be serious about the title how the fuck am I supposed to take the show seriously?

Fuck the opening quote. If you know anything about how this blog works, you know what that means.

What is it? Hour-long procedural crime drama, much like when we reviewed the spin-off (and now canceled!) show Beyond Borders here which was pretty much equal garbage (oops review spoiler alert).
Where did it air? See-BS.
Who stars in it? I really honestly don't give a fuck except it stars...that guy. You know which one I mean. The famous guy who gets top billing but I'm too lazy to look up. Also it has Michelle Trachtenberg as who turns out to be the crazed murderous stalker (oops spoiler alert) and my DVR is set to auto-record her.
Why are we reviewing this? Because it's kinda-sorta garbage 'n all.

Yeah, I get these shows are popular but why? Why are all the most popular things in society utter dumpster fires of garbage?

Bunk'd is renewed for a third season...and it won't even have Peyton List, it's main fuckin' star. One of the highest-rated shows for the past nearly two decades is fukkin' Survivor. Look who you goddamn put into the fuckin' White House.

Man, the theory that states that the longer societies go the more they degenerate certainly is fuckin' true.

Episode Grade: F-fucking-minus. My call, my score. The reason for this grade is because "I fucking feel like it."
Episode MVP: Fuck This Shit.

Extra Thoughts:

 - yeah this is coming ahead of Descendants Fucking 2. And Andi Fucking Mack for that matter.

 - Oh yeah I want to add: this is what utter garbage TV that's still popular for some reason looks like.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Zel and Golden Girl Young Adult Novels Reviewed

I die. Yes, as in this character is literally narrating this character's own death. And then this character keeps narrating in the first person for two more chapters.

What are they? Two young adult novels published...well, one (Zel) was published an ass-long time ago by YA standards, back in 1999 I believe, and the other (Golden Girl) was published just back in 2015 or so.
Where did they are? Umm...your library?
Who stars in it? Well Zel was written by Donna Jo Napoli and Golden Girl was written by Mari Mancusi so um there
Why are we reviewing these? Because while neither Tangled or Cloud 9 are adaptations of books per se, these two are close enough such that if you really think that's a missing element, it's got you covered. Also, because I say so.

I meant to do these a long time ago and as separate reviews but since my free time is being seriously eaten up, well here you go, a two-for-one.

Anyway, like I opened with, Zel (short for Rapunzel) and Golden Girl are pretty similar enough to both Tangled and Cloud 9 such that if you're really hoping for a more straight-up book adaptation well here you go. Actually, they're both better than those DCOMs anyway. Particularly, Zel actually offers a pretty unique insight and perspective that Tangled fans would really appreciate and understand where the Rapunzel/Mother Gothel and Gothel's motivations might be coming from other than just the strict selfishness of eternal youth (yeah that was kind of an out-of-nowhere plot device but sure why not). If you think Eugene/Flynn is a pretty weak character then you might be interested in seeing how Zel's Konrad shapes up too. Oh, and it has an explanation for just where the hell Rapunzel the name even comes from, if you're like me and you don't know anything about lettuce horticulture because you can't give a shit about lettuce horticulture. 

Other than, it's really kind of hard to get into greater detail without either just repeating what you already know (through Tangled or just being familiar with the Rapunzel tale) or spoiling what really sets this story apart from other Rapunzel retellings. I was really struggling to expand this to more than just a mini-review So that's another justification for pairing it with Golden Girl then.

Also the cover is pretty too.

So, um, there you go. So moving on to Golden Girl: you have a young girl who competes in downhill skiing, you have a Mean Girl rival who despises our heroine and feels over-worked and over-pressured to participate in a sport she doesn't really care about, and you have the obligatory circle of friends who supports her, and then she ends up joining a teen band. Hell that sounds more like a DCOM than actual Cloud 9! It's also interesting that this book popped up a full year after Cloud 9 but whatever.

And while the BFF aspects of Cloud 9 really get pushed out to the edges, they're featured front and center in Golden Girl and really it does make for a more satisfying and deeper narrative (yes even for a book as "fluffy" as this). It's less about "oooh cool look how awesome snowboarding is" of Cloud 9 and really more about what drives the girls to participate in the sport (much better and more introspectively than the limitations of Cloud 9's demands allow for at least) and it really lets those inter-personal dynamics drive that point. There is a love interest but it's not as so Luke-Dove focused as Cloud 9 or letting Dove's competitiveness overshadow the rest of the story. It's not just trying to learn one amazing trick to win a singular competition, but really going for a larger picture across an entire season, in a skiing school and really examining a plethora of dynamics involved in how these girls (and boys) go through with this sport.

Plus it has a really pretty cover too

Novel Grade: B for Zel, A- for Golden Girl. I think I gave them four and five on Goodreads respectively.
Character MPV: Zel....Zel by default? I dunno. In Golden Girl, Becca, the main character Lexi's best friend. She really does end up being the crux of a lot of that inter-personal drama I was talking about.

Extra Thoughts

 - ummm....

 - Andi Mack is coming...sometime. There's a whole bunch of stuff I need to catch up on. Sorry.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Happy Independence Day!

Where I express my freedom to rant about how I just found out Sabrina Carpenter and her sister Sarah Carpenter are natural redheads and so of course they make Sabs dye her hair blonde for Girl Meets World so she can look like everyone else in Hollywood and how it makes me hate GMW even more, #SuperNotSorry, #MyBlogIRantAboutWhateverTheFuckIWant #AndICanSwearAsIFuckingWantTooDespiteTheFactThatWePrimarilyReviewTweenShows

Sarah's hair is a paler red I guess, kind of more like early S1/2 Jessie where Jessie didn't quite have the "it takes a lot of work to make it look like you get your hair straight out of a bottle" look.

Although 2013 Debby will always be best, even though her hair was kinda all over the place then too.

Anyway Happy 4th Ya'll. Or as they apparently say it in the Deep South, Tuesday.

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Thundermans Update

I haven't forgotten about the whole Thundermans review I had planned. However, this past weekend, it's been hard to find time to sit...

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