That's So Raven retrospective on the AV Club (and additional thoughts)

Image from AV Club

What is it? multi-cam kidcom, half-hour (24 minute) length
Where did it air? Disney Channel
Who stars in it? Raven-Simone, then already a veteran but this really being her big star-making role; Annalise (Ann-a-lisa) Van Der Pol (Van...Der...uh, Pol), and Orlando Brown (town that can't put together a good basketball team anymore, most awesome chef in the history of Food Network). Rondell Sheridan before gaining fame in this thing. 
Why are we reviewing it? Well strictly speaking we're not, AV Club is. 

It's not often when a Disney Channel show gets talked about in a historical perspective, and when it is, it's nine times out of ten one of the "classic" TV series - Darkwing Duck, Ducktales, Gargoyles - or one of the very last grasps of Disney Channel's iconic for-TV-animation, which in turn ends up amounting to Kim Possible or maybe The Proud Family or perhaps as recently as it's going to get, Gravity Falls. In the extremely rare cases it's live-action, it's going to be either Wizards of Waverly Place (both for how long-lived it is - for the time being the largest series by episode count in the network's entire history - and for being the launchpad of Selena Gomez's mega-hit singing career) or Girl Meets World (in which case the context is almost always going to be in the context of its Boy Meets World predecessor or for how "groundbreaking" it is, namely in that it uses characters who originated from Boy Meets World) or - as in this case - That's So Raven, for being the genesis of Disney Channel as we know it today. That's So Raven is recognized as starting, for better or worse, the format Disney Channel is known for today - multi-cam laugh-track shows with some sort of "high-concept"/fantasy/escapist premise. Prior to that it was mostly either animation or relatively elaborate single-cam shows (Lizzie McGuire and Even Stevens  were the last single-cam shows to premiere before That's So Raven) and while single-cam shows and animation have certainly premiered since (Phil of the Future, JONAS, and most recently with Stuck in the Middle for single-cam series and the aforementioned Kim Possible along with Gravity Falls and Fish Hooks, which incidentally starred That's So Raven's Kyle Massey as the voice of main character Milo on the animation front) the network has since been known for pumping out multi-cam productions and accusations of being driven by star-power and merchandising as much (or far more so) than the actual television side. And while people love to "blame" both Disney Channel and That's So Raven for turning the network into a cynical revenue-generating arm, AV Club has a point in that the show ultimately did more good than harm - lifting the 65 episode limit for one, so you can enjoy Girl Meets World/Wizards of Waverly Place/Kim Possible for a third season or more, and, yes, even raising the quality of the live-action productions of the network. 

Anyway, you can read what AV Club has to say here: http://www.avclub.com/article/s-so-raven-changed-disney-channel-ways-no-one-coul-236629 

And now for some additional thoughts (this is mostly in response to the cancellation prediction post - Mike did such a great job closing it out I really wanted him to keep the last word, plus this way I can add some things in some up-to-date context given recent events)

 - I've heard that the episode order for GMW S3 is 40 episodes. This is freakin' insane for reasons this entire blog has insufficient space for. For starters, this is actually what sunk Sam & Cat. They had such high hopes for not only another Dan Schneider automatic hit, but a dual iCarly/Victorious spin-off to boot, and the Nick execs had nothing but dollar signs in their eyes, so a 40 episode one-season order it was. Such an insane order (it takes at least a week to film a single episode, which means it'd give them only three months of the entire year for a break - so basically going back to school, while, oh yeah, at least a few of these actors are in actual school - and that doesn't include the actual scriptwriting process which is a longer process itself) combined with Ari's busy music schedule guaranteed the cast and crew would be overworked from day one. I cannot imagine Rowan or Sabs being subjected to such a punishing schedule - hell it'd be punishing to Ben and Danielle. For that matter it'd be punishing for Christian and Sean if they insist on reviewing every single episode - and Christian's already at the end of his reviewing rope thanks to Season 2's whimper-like ending. Fortunately it seems to be the product of bad math on the part of one GMW speculator and super-fan and not an actual confirmed number by Disney Channel - from what I can tell the actual episode order is somewhere in the neighborhood of 28-30 episodes. 28 isn't too unreasonable; 30 - just two more - is already veering into "punishing" territory and I wouldn't be surprised if maybe it has something to do with the uneven quality towards the end of Season 2 (which indeed had a 30 episode count). ANT Farm and Jessie have had 27-28 episode order seasons and perhaps it's unsurprising those seasons had uneven quality too (well, ANT Farm had uneven quality during its entire run but...)

- I absolutely do agree with Mike that the live-action shows do deserve more respect - in fact this really deserves its own dedicated blog post and it's something we can do to really make it a signature blog entry together. I'd love to see more Nick sitcoms get 3-4 seasons instead of being two and through or even one and done. But in Nick's defense there are a few reasons why Nick's been trigger-happy on the cancellation button lately. For starters, they have to be sitcoms that are legitimately good. The last sitcom that really deserved extra seasons was How to Rock or maybe Victorious if you 1.) disagree with Dan's own statement that it was an agreed-to episode count ahead of time and 2.) disagree that the series was starting to really go downhill its final half-season anyway. Even The Haunted Hathaways, the last sitcom "prematurely" canceled that comes anywhere close to deserving the same, had narrative and comedy issues at least compared to Thundermans (of course so did Thundermans itself, and there's certainly an argument that had Hathaways been given a third season it would've worked itself out). Bella is certainly decent at least - honestly better than the lion's share of Hathaways - but in this last half-season it's had a few episodes feel like it's been treading water (then again it's also had some really great, GMW-worthy episodes like the last one about Troy's dad coming home or the one where Bella realized that the quarterback of the rival team wasn't jealous of her for being a girl quarterback but just nervous because he was in love with her). I'd even argue NRDD is pretty decent - again, I even said its one-hour special was one of the best things on Nick for 2015 - but apparently the demo isn't working out (and in all fairness it's a demo that's more cartoon-friendly anyway). Speaking of which, cartoons are more friendly towards being milked for insanely long runs, especially on kid-centric shows - live actors age, cartoon characters do not. Not to mention the pay scales are more network-friendly when it comes to animation (Google in some keywords and you'll find out how overworked and underpaid animators and voice actors are, even in this great country). But I think a lot of it is because Nick felt like they got burned from the last time they tried to milk a live-action series and so far the only live-action series from either network to get five seasons - iCarly. By that time the pay scales had grown so out of control (I think I mentioned it elsewhere, but "minute-for-minute" Miranda Cosgrove was the highest-paid actress in all of Hollywood) that it resulted in airing schedules of about a single episode per month at times.

 - Oh yeah, I'm more than onboard with Mike reviewing The Loud House. It's what we're here for.

 - Bizaardvark is coming June 24, right after Sabs' and Sofia's Further Adventures in Babysitting (the 100th DCOM, incidentally). That's, umm...going to be fun, I guess? It stars the actress who plays Marcy on Best Friends Whenever (so I guess Marcy's and Barry's relationship isn't going to stick) and a bunch of newcomers.

 - speaking of the 100th DCOM, Disney Channel is holding a DCOM celebration over Memorial Day Weekend. No, they are not showing every one but at the very least, many, many, including the usual suspects of the entire HSM series, Twitches, and others. We'll see if there's any worthy of review (I've seen quite a few, quite a few have been before my time prior to this event). They're also running DCOMs every Friday on Freeform in May (the previous two being Twitches - a DCOM I've seen many, many a time - and Lindsay Lohan's Get a Clue which as a theatrical release is technically not a DCOM but eh). This week it's Stuck in the Suburbs, another DCOM I've seen before - exactly once, and it's almost impossible to find on DVD so I'm adding that to the DVR schedule.

 - I've already reviewed three episodes of two separate shows that I consider to be especially lazy, cliche-filled writing - Minority Report's pilot and what turned out to be the very last two episodes of The Mysteries of Laura, ever (and Thank God because quite frankly both Debbys deserve better) but both of those were hour-long dramatic series, not half-hour comedies (well, we've also done Bunk'd which is pretty much Excuses In Laziness: The Series). But I've got some "adult"-ish half-hour comedies lined up, hopefully I'll actually get to them this week.

The New Adventures of Old Tom (Family Guy; Special Review)

This just in, an animated Fox show in its fourteenth season churns out yet another poor episode. Will Mike give it a thrashing? Stay tuned after the break.

What is this? Animated adult sitcom, half-hour (24 minutes) length
Where did it air? FOX, which you can tell from the fact that it's an animated adult sitcom
Who stars in it? Seth MacFarlane, Seth MacFarlane, and Seth MacFarlane. Alex Borstein-ish? Seth Green voice-acting Seth Green. There are still people out there who are blown away by the fact that Meg is Mila Kunis (and used to be Lacey Chambert, but yeah, this is a Mila episode. They have been for well over a decade now)
 Why are we reviewing this? Because Mike's more than earned the right to review whatever the hell he feels like on this blog (Girl Meets World, Henry Danger, Family Guy, another crappy failed sitcom on NBC, Simple Truth almond milk for all I care which BTW is the best and don't listen to all those naysayers including yes Debby Ryan who say almond milk is killing California, my ability to find a lactose-free milk product that actually tastes good supersedes any concern for the state that produces all the shows we review here. Also Debby is an alcoholic why should I listen to what she has to say about almond milk?). But seriously and moreover, because of the simple virtue that Family Guy is animated, and because animation is still largely seen in this country as either a kids' domain or comedy domain (or both). Because Family Guy, despite its "adultness," still largely skews towards teens in the demos, albeit teens that are practically adults anyway. And because it's a good example of a simultaneously good and bad show like GMW, and that's what this blog's all about. And again because as far as I'm concerned Mike can review whatever he feels like.

I wanted to do this episode mostly because of how lazy, disappointing, and annoying it was. Before anyone starts assuming anything, Family Guy is one of my favorite shows. I have a personal attachment to it as it was the first adult cartoon I watched all the way back in 2007 when I was in elementary school. I have grown up with the show, and through the years, I have perused the internet to find out that it is one of the most hated animated series I know. I can see why it gets the hate it does, but I have stuck by it. Why? Because it is funny. Plot, characters, emotion, those things have become foreign to Family Guy in the past couple of seasons. But the one thing that I have always adored is its unique, off-beat sense of humor. When it cannot even be funny anymore, it does absolutely nothing for me. But a lack of humor is not the only problem this episode had because there are many more things to criticize it for.

Where do I start? How about we kick off with the fact that it takes an entire act for the main plot to start? Nothing in the first act has anything to do with the rest of the episode. It is completely disconnected from anything else and makes it a lot more difficult for me to be invested in the story. Keep in mind that I am talking about the A-plot here and only that. When you are going to tell a story, it needs some sort of structure, something that the audience can follow so nothing gets lost in translation. The episode starts with Lois needing to go to the mall because Peter and his friends ruined all her underwear. Then we get to the mall, and nothing really happens in the main plot because there is no main plot. Peter is just playing video games and the family gets annoyed so they leave him there. What does Peter do when he realizes that his family has left him at the mall? He acts like a four-year-old looking for his mother after being separated from her. Nothing about this situation makes any sense. Why doesn't Peter call Lois and ask her where she is? Why doesn't he try to get a ride home from somebody? Why is he acting like a toddler instead of a grown man in his forties? This is Peter the Brain Dead Manchild, the one who probably is incapable of tying his own shoes because Lois does it for him.

So Peter just flops around like an idiot at the mall for a couple of hours, then because of blaga fraga daga, the mall closes and Peter is left in there because no one ever bothered to kick him out. Then he gets on the kiddie train he was trying to get on earlier, breaks it, and ends up spinning around overnight, suffering from what I assume to be extensive nerve damage. Keep in mind that this was the entire first act and nothing has actually happened yet. Peter gets interviewed by the new news reporter Dallas Portland about his trauma, and pretty soon, everybody is on the jock for Dallas because he is attractive. Tom Tucker senses he is on the way out because Dallas is being groomed as his successor, and Peter decides to help Tom outshine Dallas because Lois is "creaming her spinach over him." This obviously fails, and Tom is fired. Peter tries to help Tom get his confidence back, but he does not want to hear it and tries to commit suicide. The news team shows up, Dallas gives no damns that his broadcasting colleague is about to kill himself, Peter steps in, episode over. 

So let's recap here: When Peter is being interviewed by Dallas about what happened at the mall, Lois legitimately does not care at all that she left her husband there to presumably die, because she is too busy checking out Dallas. The first act meant absolutely nothing at all. Peter's not pissed that his family abandoned him or that he almost died and his wife refuses to care. Other than a quick joke, the mall incident is never brought up again, so it was a complete waste of time. The main plot could have used that time to establish itself but instead, they decided to give us a bunch of stuff that was useless and unfunny. I can't even get invested in the main story when it feels so thin and by-the-numbers. I didn't expect Dallas to be a jerk, so that was a surprise. But other than that, nothing about this plot is worth going back to because of how undeveloped it was. We could have gotten more scenes of Dallas trying to steal Tom's job once Tom decides to take him under his wing. Where's Joyce Kinney in all of this? She's Tom's partner, how does she feel about him losing his job? Instead, we get Family Guy trying to reenact "Toy Store of Doom" from SpongeBob and a clunky transition into a plot that was given almost no time to do anything special. The whole thing was pointless, ridiculous, and above all else, unfunny.

The subplot was more developed, but just as unfunny and unremarkable as the main one. Brian finds a hot girl at the mall that works at a jewelry store and, apropos of nothing, decides to act like a rich guy to impress her. Why is he doing this? Did he think she only dated rich guys because she worked at a jewelry store and sold expensive items? That logic makes no sense, and they have no chemistry at all because it's just Brian being a lying, pathetic loser with no benefit to himself. He buys a $10,000 ring with plans to return it when the girl is off duty, but it fails when Chris eats it thinking it was a lug nut (he dared himself to do it, he has low self-esteem). So Brian and Stewie have to get Chris to pass the ring, and we get a couple unfunny gags that don't develop the plot or Brian's interactions with the girl at all. They go to the mall, make a mad dash for the jewelry store before it closes, Chris gets diarrhea, the ring comes out, and........the twist ending? The girl's not upset because Brian's not rich or that Chris went through his process in the store, it's because he lied. Wow. I was not expecting that. 

MORTY: Oh, man. What just happened, Rick?

RICK: Morty, you know how TV shows tend to.....tend to always do this plot where the girl rejects the guy at the end because he lied to her? And then Family Guy did it, and I wasn't like........."oh, wow, this is unexpected. This is not what I was expecting, Morty. Oh, wow, what an unprecedented twist ending that was!"

MORTY: Okay, okay, this plot's been done before, I get it. You don't have to bust my balls.

Rick and Morty, wonderful show. Anyway, this plot is really old and predictable. Of course Brian was going to lose at the end and get caught up in his ridiculous lie because Brian is a pathetic moron who has been reduced to a punchline and has very little resemblance to his original character in a lot of these new episodes. Besides that, this is the third time this season Brian has tried and failed to hook up with somebody. He tried banging Meg's friend in "Scammed Yankees," ran away with Bonnie in "The Heartbreak Dog," and failed to impress the jewelry store girl in this episode. Why are the writers so dead-set on making Brian into a hypersexual loser? Either that or he is just a side character who barely does anything. In the past, Brian's struggles with dating were more realistic and compelling. He was just someone trying to find his perfect match but was refusing to dumb down his standards for women who weren't worth his time. Even when he dated an idiot like Jillian, it was more for her body and a desire not to be alone, but then he realized he loved her a lot more than he thought. Nowadays, Brian just chases anybody and everybody regardless of the age difference or if he would even be compatible with them. It needs to stop. I hate seeing Brian act this way in almost every other episode. 

So yeah, at the end of the day, this was a pretty underwhelming episode. I had to talk about it because I just got this urge to review it the minute I saw it. I might review more episodes in the future, but for now, I wanted to get this one off my chest. On the whole, season 14 has been very mediocre. The season started off promising with a handful of decent episodes, but after the holiday break, it has been on a disappointing cold streak. Family Guy is notorious for not ending their seasons well, so I expect the same here. Hopefully, things get back on track in the fall.

Episode Grade: D+
Episode MVP: Tom Tucker, because he was the one character that felt the most human. When he says he was born to work in the news industry, I believe him. I knew he wasn't going to kill himself, but the way the show handled him in this episode gets some praise. He really shines in shows that are focused on him.

EXTRA THOUGHTS
-This was a really humorless episode. There were a whole bunch of jokes, but none of them got more than a chuckle out of me. I laughed at Peter and Jerome's interaction, and when Peter and Tom made a skateboarding video with "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys playing in the background, but everything else was really lame. When Family Guy fails to make you laugh, you know the episode is in trouble.

-There was a cutaway gag in an earlier episode where Peter lost Lois at the store and he acted the exact same way he did in this episode. It was a lot funnier in that gag than in this episode. It's like what Mr. Enter said, Family Guy is now making episodes out of cutaway gags.

-I still can't get over the fact that Peter almost died at the mall and Lois didn't even care about that. He looked pretty beat up during the interview, I almost felt sorry for him. It also makes no sense that Peter was left in the mall overnight, but I guess it's just a cartoon, so who cares? I just remembered something. Earlier on in the episode, Lois wanted Chris to suffer an injury on the escalator so the family can sue the mall. This was a joke, but......Peter technically received severe injuries at the mall even though he caused the incident. So why couldn't the family sue them, then Peter sees that Lois is getting greedy and calls her out on leaving him at the mall? Wait, why am I writing Family Guy episodes now, I have my own show to worry about.

-The jewelry store's slogan is "Every B Deserves a J." Nice subtle joke by the writers there. Reminds me of The Simpsons' classic dirty joke "Sneed's Feed and Seed (Formerly Chuck's)."

-Of course Brian was going to leave the ring in a place where something could happen to it. Why not just leave it in Stewie's room? They could have had Brian keep up the lie for a bit longer with Stewie's help. You know, somewhat like the episode where Brian tries to hide the fact that he is a dog from his new girlfriend who is blind ("The Blind Side"). Or we could have a joke where Stewie leads a group of lesbian art teachers to get sex outlawed in America because all sex is rape. -_-

-When Peter and Tom are making the video (which requires a lot of physical coordination they both seem to have), a bear comes out of nowhere and attacks Peter, then takes the camera and uses it for his own Latvian hidden camera reality show Bear Scares. This could have been a lot funnier, but for some reason, it completely missed the mark for me. Later on, Peter watches Tom get fired on air and decides to go back to his life, then gets assaulted by the bear once again, which was another Bear Scares segment (even though the whole point of Bear Scares was the bear frightening people out of nowhere, not attacking them). Then we get a commercial for shirt.gov, where you can buy shirts. You see what I see here? THESE JOKES WEREN'T FUNNY THE FIRST TIME AND EVEN LESS FUNNY THE SECOND TIME. I feel like American Dad is a lot better at these absurd jokes, mostly because of the concept, timing, and delivery.

-Chris calling Brian an "unemployed buttmunch" was pretty funny. Not as funny when he called Stewie that.

-I got a chuckle out of the cutaway where Tom comes out of his mother's womb reporting his own birth, then Peter questioning the legitimacy of whether that actually happened.

-So Peter looks up at the roof of Tom's apartment building and what is the first thing he sees? A billboard advertising Doritos Locos Tacos. Then he sees Tom on the roof about to jump. I have to assume that more than a couple of minutes have passed because Peter runs up to the roof with nacho cheese on his fingers. So let me see if I got this straight. Peter went to Taco Bell, waited in line, bought himself a taco (or multiple tacos), came back to Tom's apartment and then tried to stop him from jumping? What the hell was Tom doing on the roof for all that time, looking up at the sky?

-The moment where Peter pretends he is the one committing suicide and insisting that Tom gets the story was really sweet. Too bad it was undercut seconds later when Tom ends up falling off the roof anyway. Even when the heartwarming ending was somewhat earned, they still have to end on a joke. 

Happy Birthday Debby Ryan!

Image from Debby's official site DebbyRyan.com

Happy Birthday Debby! Also happy birthday to me! Yup, we share the same birthday!

BTW I got sick again on my birthday. Had to call the doctor. Membership services line so broken I had to resort to asking my old physician at Centura Health and even a message board for help in contacting my KP doctor.

Don't sign up with Kaiser Permenente, kids.

Let's play Be The Cancellation Bear!

Image from TVByTheNumbers.Zap2It.com, home of the Cancellation Bear!

Ok, so this is around the time of the year where networks have their upfronts, where they announce new programming including completely new shows and new episodes of existing shows for the next television season. It's also, by process of omission, when everyone gets to know if a series has been cancelled or not. It's a practice highly publicized into a TV fanatic's past time thanks to TVByTheNumbers and their Cancel/Renewal index and the "Cancellation Bear" (it's all explained on their website). As it just so happens to be both Nickelodeon and Disney Channel (which they fancily call the "D23 Expo") had their upfronts months ago back in the Feb-March time frame or so (Nick's roughly coinciding with the KCAs) but the upfronts for the "big" networks publicized by the Cancellation Bear tend to be much more visible, hence why it's coming to mind right now, not to mention a few actors on a few of the Disney and Nick shows are asking what's to become of their show and hoping to await word soon. Well, again, and unfortunately for them the first sign of the success or failure of a show is often by omission.

Before going on, I'd just like to specifically point out the true Nickelodeon and Disney Channel's equivalent of the Cancellation Bear and TVByTheNumbers - the excellent site NickAndMore.com, a site I have been using for a lot of my news and very much one of the inspirations for this very blog. Thanks Bryan, for the hard work you've put into this. 

Anyway you can see in that link what Nickelodeon is planning for the upcoming television season, and it's very much front-loaded with reality programming, which is pretty much an admission that they're in a very deep hole even cheap imports like Every Witch Way and Max & Shred can't get them out of. I don't know if Nickelodeon is just hoping that the reality programming will allow them to ride out whatever's happening in the core demo or if this is just what the future looks like, period, but either way if you ask me it's a pretty bleak picture. While a bevy of live-action programming has been announced, only four are actual Nick originals and one, School of Rock, has already aired (in fact it premiered not too long after upfronts). Two are more imports (and again, one of them, The Other Kingdom, has already aired a healthy number of episodes since) and three are reality programs (on the animation side, one show, The Loud House, has already aired as well - and yeah, we'll eventually get to School of Rock in greater depth and The Other Kingdom and The Loud House in review posts as well).

But we're more interested in, regarding veteran shows, what didn't make it. Again, it's a matter of omission - Henry Danger and Game Shakers have been renewed (almost automatic given Dan Schneider) and Thundermans was approved for that relatively still rare and coveted Season 4. Meanwhile, Bryan gives us this quote:

Nickelodeon will also air new episodes of returning live-action series Bella and the Bulldogs and Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & Dawn.

...which is pretty telling, given that it's likely meant to be taken in the context of the "present" being during upfronts, when both Bell and NRDD were already in the middle of their seasons and thus airing new episodes as a matter of course.

In other words, don't be surprised if this is a tacit admission by omission from the network that both those shows have been canceled.

I've commented on both shows before without giving real reviews per se - I did say the NRDD "movie" was one of the best things on Nick in 2015, and that while Bella's second season had gained serious steam it started to lose it as of late. That said, Brec Bassinger especially is as sweet and as much of a darling as, say, Dove Cameron and I was hoping (and still hope) her career can go far if in the case of Bella being cancelled. Same wishes extend to the NRDD cast.

That's pretty much the biggest news. There's not much going on with Disney as all the shows either have ended their runs naturally or have been approved for additional seasons. Liv and Maddie (now shockingly the oldest show on the network) got its Season 4. KC Undercover got its Season 3 and is just wrapping up on Season 2's production. Everything else is new and currently airing their first seasons, and they all got approved for season 2 (which seems to be the new Disney Channel MO - renew everything new for a second season automatically regardless of how woeful ratings are and hope things get better - and if not, give it the I Didn't Do It Treatment and the axe). The only question is Girl Meets World, which is in the awkward position of having its complete third season unaired and sitting ready to go on the shelf while D23 was happening, and we'll just have to wait and see come next month all the way through next March or April.

Girl Meets World will be ready to go in a couple weeks, which will hopefully liven up the kids live-action scene and get me out of my procrastination lately.

It would be absolutely insane if The Thundermans received a fifth season, but that is very unlikely. The fact that it has been around for the past three years and is still going strong is good enough for me. One thing never seems to escape me though. Nickelodeon has milked animated series like SpongeBob and The Fairly OddParents for more than a decade and a half now, but when it comes to live-action series, they are very trigger-happy and cancel everything at will. Hopefully, they are beginning to grow out of that because it is a very poisonous way to treat your programming. These shows need to gain an audience somehow, regardless of the quality. 

I was pissed off because I recorded a bunch of Loud House episodes two weeks ago but my television was acting up and I had to get a new cable box. I want to watch a couple episodes and review the show as a whole so far because for the first time in a while, we have a Nickelodeon cartoon with potential. A genuinely good Nick show in 2016, animated or live-action, is like seeing a unicorn in 2016 or getting struck by lightning indoors while having your mouth stuffed with chicken wire. Needless to say, I have a good feeling about this show. 

Nickelodeon needs to stop it with the imports. As far as I know, weren't there only two shows that caught on? House of Anubis and Every Witch Way? I don't know, I could use some background information on that but this is not the era where you need to cut costs with these copy-and-paste imports. This is Nickelodeon, give us something we have never even seen before. 

Of course Henry Danger and Game Shakers are coming back. Of course they are. -_-

There's a lot on tap, ladies and gentlemen, so stay tuned for more! 

On the whole Debby Ryan DUI situation

So it's been just over a month since Debby Ryan got arrested for DUI and just under a month since TMZ publicly revealed it, forcing a rather lame and form-letter response from Debby (or more likely someone from some PR firm). In that time I've been thinking about how to respond to that (and getting sick) and I suppose enough time has passed that people might be wondering why I'm trying to bring this topic back up in the first place. Part of that is my fault, I wanted to put this out sooner but again, I became distracted and sick. The thing is, while it might not be something Debby herself is willing to relive, the subject of drinking and driving (or just drinking) is a pretty damn serious one, and one I think is worth revisiting. I'll explain why right below.

Waaaaay back in October when this blog was still pretty much brand-spanking new - while, on the other end, Jessie was nearing its last episode - I wrote a post explaining why I'm so enthusiastic for a show almost everybody else in the world calls the worst ever. I mentioned a big part of that was because when I first "discovered" Jessie (and Disney Channel as a whole) I had just gone through a really bad break-up and discovered I had to undergo chemotherapy for cancer, and Jessie (and Good Luck Charlie, and other shows) just happened to be the perfect comfort food at the time. It also helped that, quite frankly, Jessie was of much better quality back then then when it was when GMW first premiered (and when Christian and Sean would've been first exposed to it). 

I also mentioned that, in due course of having experienced both a bad break-up and cancer at pretty much the exact same time, I had been undergoing some stress. I hinted that some of that stress, particularly from my ex, may have been from our overall relationship and not just the break-up itself, with this quote, "...in hindsight, she might'e directly contributed to that [stress that] I wasn't aware of at the time (those details are a bit outside the purview of this blog, to be honest, so you'll just have to keep guessing I guess.)"

Well guess what, thanks to Debby it is within the purview of this blog now so you don't have to keep guessing anymore.

You see, my ex-girlfriend and I, we broke up because she was an alcoholic.

Now, there is no excuse to be an alcoholic (I'll get into that later), but if there's anything that comes even close to being a so-called valid excuse, I guess she certainly had it. She started drinking and going down the path to alcoholism because she had survived multiple instances of rape and sexual abuse in middle and high school.

Either one of those events by itself - rape, or alcoholism - is enough to change your life drastically. Much more than my own battle with cancer, which by comparison is outright small. Even though I hadn't known her prior to when she became alcoholic, I can tell, if nothing else by the stories she'd semi-lucidly (more on that in a bit) tell me, she was a much different person back then then when I had started dating her, and there's just no way this post-alcoholic version of her can be described as "better" or "good." She had lost jobs, lost relationships, and lost her driver's license when she had barely just earned it. She started losing interest in things and grew paranoid and suspicious of the wrong people while welcoming exactly the people she should be suspicious of. She had, well, "hung out with the wrong crowd" - and by that I specifically mean she would hang out at raves with people who knew she was a fucking alcoholic and would fucking take advantage of it by sexually abusing/raping her even further, or how she would sit at the very back of the class in her college courses so that she could pass out from being drunk without the professor knowing - and how one time when she woke up it was because the asshole sitting next to her was fondling her breasts. Yes, it is heartbreaking and it frustrates me to no end that there's nothing I could do about it. Maybe even more than the battle with cancer this is the reason why I've been so tied into Jessie - you see, my ex was a redhead like Jessie (well, a fake redhead but then again so was Debby). In fact her hair was pretty much the exact same shade of red as Jessie's hair circa Season 1-ish (and while I'm at it in another freakish coincidence Debby and I even share the same birthday - May 13 which happens to be this, uhh...Friday. Whee.). Whatever reason for my attachment for this show is going to seem silly no matter what, but maybe the reason why I grew so attached to it was that, I don't know, maybe it allowed me to play out some sort of stupid fantasy where I could still be with her in a world where she hadn't been raped and driven into alcoholism.

So it really resonated with me when Debby started speaking out about being in an abusive relationship. I was like, yeah, I knew someone who was exactly like you, or at least I like to think she was exactly like you, down to the whole abuse things. And then this DUI thing pops up, and I'm thinking, yeah, now the resemblance is starting to be a little uncomfortable. 

But that's enough personal story - but yes, I do want you to know where I'm coming from, exactly, and why the DUI thing against Debby upsets me. I haven't been there, but I knew someone who had, and it wasn't fun for either of us, and it's especially heartbreaking when I was kind of hoping that at least I could look up to Debby as an example that not every woman has to resort to the kind of "coping" that my ex did that ends up leading to even more of the very thing she's trying to escape in the first place. And that no duh I'm upset to discover that Debby is an alcoholic.

"Oh, but Debby isn't an alcoholic, she just made a stupid mistake." Well, again, take it from someone who's had to deal with exactly this, and trust me on it - Debby Ryan is most likely an alcoholic.

For someone who keeps talking about Uber on social media (even well before she was essentially forced to when she got arrested, back about 9 months ago in August and even prior) and for someone who knows very much that she's a role model, she really should know better than to get behind the wheel of a car when she's drunk. I can't attest to what exactly happened or how much she had to drink, but supposedly she had a BAC of .11 which is .01 above the old standard of .1. It doesn't take much to get to the current standard of .08 but it certainly does take more than one or even two beers, even at Debby's weight, to get to .11. 

Not to mention, drinking tends to be habitual for alcoholics. People who drink socially might drink enough to push the .08 limit or even close to what Debby got busted for, on occasion, but alcoholics tend to drink like that every night if not all the time. My ex, granted, was an extreme case because she drank all the time - literally. On our first date she was showing off an engraved flask her sister got her that she used to drink in class, which granted even I'll admit was a warning sign (but we had so much fun that date I didn't care - and granted, until it just reached a tipping point it was fun being around her, alcoholic or not). We were trying to apply to study abroad together and she showed up to the interview drinking Malibu Rum. Since I had to drive her everywhere anyway, she figured she might as well drink while she was being driven around. I had literally never known her sober, and it got to the point where I was wondering if her blood was literally pure alcohol itself and how the fuck could she even function. That's another thing about alcoholics - alcohol very literally is a drug, and they build up a tolerance where they're not only phased by their inebriation but they can't even function without it. I'm not saying that's why Debby lost track and got such a relatively high BAC - in fact I'm hoping it's not the case at all. But it's a possibility that I'm now faced with realizing.

And another thing is how seriously she's taking it - which, in all honesty, I don't think she's taking it seriously at all. I mean, let's face it, the only reason she apologized for it at all was because TMZ broke the story - if the police report had gotten lost in the paperwork, if someone at TMZ didn't realize that this 22-year-old woman named "Deborah Ann Popp" and had listed her occupation as "laborer" was in fact known to most of the world as Disney Channel "superstar" Debby Ryan - nobody would've known about it and she'd never had to own up to it with such a lame, near form letter-quality apology. It absolutely does make me think that she thought she could've just swept this entire thing under the rug, taking advantage of the name on her driver's license and listing some lame false occupation to fool the inevitable gossip sniffers like TMZ, and that in turn makes me think she doesn't take this seriously one bit. She's been in Hollywood her entire teenage and adult life, she should know better. She should've known that someone would've gotten wise eventually and she should've owned up to it sooner, before it broke out on TMZ (where she could control the narrative) and if nothing else make an actual sincere apology and some effort. That's exactly what her own former co-star Phill Lewis did back in the day - and when I say back in the day, I mean 1991, before Debby was even born - when he was driving drunk and he ran into and killed a woman who back then was the age Debby is now. He owned up to it, he started an anti-drunk driving group when he got out of prison and now he's very active in the anti-drunk driving movement. 

And then I read stuff like this from Crazy Days and Nights about how Debby isn't taking this seriously and "doesn't know how to handle herself" and I'm left wondering if it's true. Or stuff like this from the Daily Mail, where Debby is all happy and smiling about having to bum Uber rides to everywhere and how having her likely new or near-new $40,000 (actually probably closer to $50,000 after options) Audi sitting in a police impound lot as evidence with a huge dent on the side shouldn't be regarded as a problem at all. 

Maybe it was just a stupid mistake, but my own personal experience casts a lot of doubt on that. I don't know, and maybe I should be glad that I don't know, even. I'm ready to forgive her, but again, my own past and personal experience makes me hesitant to do that. Moreover I'm worried for her, and I'm hoping this isn't just the tip of something bigger. Honestly, the near-palpable apathy I felt from her performance in the last season and a half that closed out Jessie makes me wonder, makes me think of when hanging out with my ex quit being fun and amazing and started being a chore and more and more about her just trying to goad me into stupid beer runs for her because 1.) she's banned from driving and 2.) she's banned from the freakin' liquor stores themselves (seriously). And even then I refused to break off the relationship, she broke up with me after I became less and less enthusiastic about entertaining her ideas of how dates should be nothing more but beer runs. I guess I really am a sap for that.

...but, again, some of - actually, damn near all of - the happiest memories I have around that period in my life, if not my entire life, were with her. Even as her alcoholism kept driving our relationship, straight into the gutter, I was hoping that there was still a chance I could reclaim the happiness and awesomeness I had with her. And a part of me wants that to be true with Debby too, that she can reclaim whatever had been tarnished from this incident and she can go back to being a kick-ass actress or at least achieve better success than what she had with the stigma of being a Disney Channel Princess. A part of me read the rare positive blind item and think that the Debby that wants to be kind and against the cynicism of Hollywood is still in there - but a part of me thinks I'm a fool for thinking that, because it didn't work the last time either. 

Well, c'est la vie. I can't control her life, I can only hope she isn't so fucked up she can't make good decisions and right the ship of her life in this crazy sea we all live in.

Happy Birthday Sabrina Carpenter!

Image from GotCelebs.com

If I miss say Rowan's or Ben's birthday or something, uh, remind me next time.

Some Notes from Mike

Hey everyone, it's Mike here. Just some small thoughts:

-Escobar season returns next month when Girl Meets World kicks off season three with a two-part premiere episode. Our heroes are finally in high school, Cory's going to be the new Mr. Feeny, and some crazy things are going to happen. Who knows what will happen? I don't know. All I know is it's gut check time for GMW. This is the make or break season of the show. Season two was a definite improvement over one in certain areas, but the problems it dealt with became more pronounced as it went on and prevented it from solidifying its spot as the best kids show on TV. Boy Meets World really found its footing once it got to high school (seasons 2-5 cannot be messed with), so we just have to see what GMW does with everything at stake. Maybe we could get episodes like "Shallow Boy" and "Security Guy" this season. Or maybe that bar is just too high.

-Speaking of Boy Meets World, I have been going through Sean's old review blog. It is a really well-done project. I appreciate impartial fans of a series who love the characters and stories, but do not let their love get in the way of being a critic. It's one of the reasons why I loved Me Blog Write Good, and it's one of the reasons why I love Boy Meets World Reviewed. I want to review a classic Boy Meets World episode (or some episodes) soon. Whatever it is, I will figure that out but "Brotherly Shove" is at the top of the list. Maybe Unknown could join in?

-In addition to tackling BMW, I'm opening myself up to requests. There are a lot of shows I have never reviewed that I want to get a piece of (Bella and the Bulldogs, School of Rock, 100 Things, Liv and Maddie, Best Friends Whenever, K.C. Undercover) and some on this list that I have never even seen before. Whatever episodes from these shows or others that I didn't name that you think I should review, send them this way.

Well, that's it. See you guys soon and remember, make sure people put some respeck on your names. I ain't gonna say it no mo. Alright, I'm out for now. 

 - 'k guess that means I'm in, whoo! I'm going to have to disagree with Mike here about GMW having a chance towards solidifying it's position as the best children's show on television right now, when Liv and Maddie is almost effortlessly better (and I don't care what you peeps say!) In fact I'm not even sure if I can bring myself to bear to watch any of the Friday lineup. Stuck in the Middle isn't a bad show per se, but compared to Horizon's other production, Kirby Buckets, something just seems lacking. It does kind of feel that it's "stuck" in something, indeed, and just kind of spinning its wheels. Granted, Kirby Buckets was like that in its first season too (remember the First Season Rule I mentioned in a post...I don't know, forever ago?) Maybe I'll tune into SitM in its second season. I might even give Bunk'd the benefit of the doubt and tune in on its second season too, but as it stands right now it completely stinks. In fact it's easily far and away the worst show on Disney Channel right now, if not the worst show on Disney Channel since So Random!! or even Cory in the House (at the very least the worst show since ANT Farm's disastrous Season 3). I've joked in the past that people would tune in even if it was just Peyton List's pretty face staring at a camera for 24 minutes, but let's face it, that would be an improvement. 

The episode previous to the last was pretty bad not only in typical Bunk'd form but in just giving out really bad relationship advice. I don't think we're ever going to review a Bunk'd episode ever again on this blog so consider this the next best thing: yes, it's important to be you but a little bit of change for a relationship isn't bad, especially when it gets you out of your comfort zone. The message of that episode of Bunk'd was pretty much "fuck it, the comfort zone is the most important thing you've got and you might as well stay in it forever even at the cost of romantic interests" which come to think of it might be the mantra of the Bunk'd writing crew, which explains a lot.

 - Sean's project is well-done, no doubt about that. You really should go back and look at it, regular readers (I'll put up a link, and there's already a link in a post I did for it back in October). Is Sean really unbiased? Well as someone who's studied literature (yes I study everything and have nothing to show for it) I have to give that a firm no. It was his best strength, in fact, as you can see a lot of the passion he had for the show and why Boy Meets World is such a big thing for him and other people. And you can see it in his frustration with GMW (and other shows on Disney Channel too) when they come off as lacking or spinning their wheels or just refusing to do more, or missing the mark on what "more" is, or what have you.

 - BTW Boy Meets World is being replayed on...of all places, TeeNick. Yes, "the competition." No doubt it's a shot at Disney's GMW, but hey, if you've got TeeNick we've got a Boy Meets World review!

- I've got a whole list of episodes I've been meaning to review, Mike! I'll go ahead and PM you the list, as the list currently constitutes of "random comments at the end of blog posts" so the organization really isn't, um, existent.

Speaking of which I've got a special project on Thursday (unless Mike can find the DVD at the library - which admittedly shouldn't be hard to do) might end up being a solo project, there's some stuff on School of Rock I want both of us to cover and in the meantime, well...I'll get cracking on something that's been delayed for a while right now.