2017 RDMAs reviewed

Man, California can go screw itself

What is it? Annual radio/music awards hosted by Disney Channel and Radio Disney. I guess that's why they call it the "Radio Disney Music Awards."
Where did it air? I'm guess, maybe some channel, that's Disney-related?
Who stars in it? Well, pretty much everybody under the sun as far as Disney Channel's concerned. I also noticed a distinct absence of last year's disaster, "let's make a super-huge deal of the stars of Shadowhunters showing up, and they show up at the very end for less than two minutes."
Why are we reviewing this? Because I enjoy the envy I get every time I see pictures of these stars enjoying the red carpet in hot, sunny California weather while I look outside my window and there's three inches of snow on the goddamn ground.

Seriously, it's already the end of April. Quit it.

Actually today isn't too bad, the sun's back out and it's obliterated all of yesterday's snowfall - but that's the thing, yesterday. As in the day when the RDMAs actually took place and for some reason we get this 24-hour tape delay like we should be happy for it.

Hey, Disney. You know Nickelodeon does this "Bill O'Rielly"-style live, right? And that is why you're, like, #2 behind them (that, and something called "PAW Patrol").

I forgot how last years' started off (you can go back to our review last year to see) but this year actually starts out like Disney's learned a thing or two - with something big, even if it's a pre-recorded trailer of Descendants 2 and...have I mentioned how impossibly beautiful Sofia Carson is? Yeah, I'm probably going to double-back on my New Year's resolution to tone down the objectifying misogynist comments and say that a lot.

We also get a very nice mash-up Moana performance from Jordan Fisher, Alexia Cara and the star of Moana, I Can't Remember Her Really Long, Confusing Name, But She Has A Really Nice Red Dress On. In the interests of diversity, if it gives her a self-esteem boost and because it's just my honest opinion, I want to openly admit that I find her actually very pretty but...the New Year's resolution thing. And the fact that she's like, 15. But I guess that cat's out of the bag (no creepo). But a platonic pretty if that means a difference (yes, it actually is possible to find people pretty without being obsessively, sexually creepy about them!)

Anyway, speaking of pretty people and weirdness...anybody else notice that when they announced Zayn and Taylor's collab - you know, the one that's almost impossible to escape from on the air waves - they didn't bother to actually play a sample of it? It stands alone in that regards in its nomination category, in fact. Just thought I'd point it out. (Machine Gun Kelly and Camilla Cabello ended up winning, BTW).

"Top 5 Moments from Last Year's RDMAs" might be my nomination for "lamest category." Oh, Disney Channel!

But yeah, like last year, it's mostly going to be actual music performances. Is it better or worse than how the KCAs are conducted? Eh, I don't know. They've got plusses and minuses, but this year I think I'd give the edge to...and this is shocking even to me given what I said last year - the RDMAs. The live performances actually seem to keep up the energy better than the KCA's efforts this year.

Anyone else find it interesting that Jake Paul won Favorite Social Media star, the category that just happened to be introduced by his Bizaardvark costars?

Hmm, I guess they renamed Friends for Change (remember that?) to Heroes for Change.

The tribute to Nick Jonas from Jack Black was neat, and the diabetes-diagnosed little kid entourage was totes adorbs. Also TIL Nick was diagnosed with Type 1 before he ever even became remotely famous.

Final Grade:  *shrug* I guess a B+? Like I said I think the RDMAs actually managed to top the KCAs this year.
Best Performance: They were actually all really good (except Train, see Extra Thoughts below) but if I had to pick one well...either Erin Bowman (see below) or, well, seeing Sofia Carson tribute Britney Spears during Britney Spears' "bad girl" era is one for the ages (see, well, scattered throughout this review). If I were to judge on bases not objectifying...like I said, there pretty much wasn't a non-brilliant, non-amazing performance in the house (except Train) but I guess I'll have to go with Alessia Cara because Stars are Beautiful really is a legitimately beautiful song, and it has a message I can just really, really get behind and yes I am very well aware of how hypocritical I sound right now.

Extra Thoughts

 - Yeah again just like last year everything's all over the place so Extra Thoughts is just an extension of the main review (or rather the other way around)

 - Yeah I also would love to go on and on about how pretty I think Camilla Cabello is. Or literally the entirety of (the former, I guess) Fifth Harmony.

 - Have I mentioned how pretty Sofia Carson is?

 - Yeah I also hope my creepy, objectifying asides didn't chase away, like, the five or so of you who read this blog. Feedback, please!

 - This is actually the first time I've heard Hailee Steinfeld's "Most Girls." I like it.

 - Hehe, Miley's sister is named Noah.

 - Holy Crap Grace Vanderwaal is like a fetus (no I don't watch AGT)

 - Disney also advertised a live stream of Forever In Your Mind doing a viewing party during the airing of the RDMAs which just strikes me as dumb because of course dividing your audience's attention is productive. It also screws over people on the west coast who might not have access to the East Coast feed. You know, like that place where the RDMAs took place. Oh, Disney Channel!

 - They did show snippets of the viewing party during commercial and it looks....sooo exciting. And then I actually tried watching it in the app and it looked...soo exciting. And it's on a fixed volume setting. Oh, Disney Channel!

 - But one plus about the Radio Disney app is that it doesn't cause my phone to fucking crash.

 - Disney's also shilling for Xfinity. Fuck Xfinity.

 - My first thought regarding Hotel Transylvania: The Series is (and in star contrast to the announcement of Big Hero 6: The Series) ugh followed by huh? as I'd more expect a Hotel Transylvania series to be on Nick.

 - I have a closeted (well, not anymore I guess) somewhat fondness for American Girl.

 - I was tempted to fast forward through the Kelsi Ballerini part. Yeah, not a big country fan.

 - In all fairness to the Radio Disney Viewing Party, it had JiffPom in it!

   - I'm sorry but it makes much more sense to have Hailee Steinfeld (or for that matter Sofia Carson) do a Britney Spears tribute than it does Kelsi Ballerini, sorry again.

 - Have I mentioned how pretty Sofia Carson is?

 - I know they're sisters so it's mandatory, but it's still weird seeing Zoey101 on Disney Channel. Then again I guess it's no weirder than Ariana Grande shilling for Disney and shunning Nick at just about every turn available.

  - Train can't write lyrics to save their lives

 - last objectifying comment of the night I promise - holy crap I didn't realize Erin Bowman was so hot. Like I can literally feel my cheeks burning red as I'm just sitting at home watching this, this might sound really weird but I think she actually kind of reminds me of Zendaya-hot.

 - ...and Disney Channel is replaying the RDMAs immediately right after the RDMAs in back-to-back consecutive airings which, in an age of commonplace DVRs, separate East and West Coast feeds (even though the West Coast feed doesn't get a lot of love being stuck in 480p and all) and the near-universal access and availability of the Watch Disney Channel app which probably has the RDMAs right now, seems a bit of a throwback on Disney Channel's part.